M*A*S*H Season 5 Episode 21

[And now, ladies and gentlemen, the famous "Army Life" song!]

Father Mulcahy:
A chaplain in the Army has a collar on his neck.
If you don't listen to him, you'll all wind up in Heck!

Chorus, sung by all:
Oh I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Hawkeye & B.J:
Oh the surgeons in the Army, they say we're mighty bright.
We work on soldiers through the day and nurses through the night!

[Chorus]

Colonel Potter:
Friendships in the Army they say are mighty rare,
so I spend all my free time carousing with my mare!

[Chorus]

The Nurses:
The nurses in the Army they're bright, they are profound,
But we'll take chopper pilots; they'll get you off the ground!

[Chorus]

Radar O'Reilly:
The corporals in the Army, you say we're really green,
But if it weren't for us guys, you'd be in the latrine!

[Chorus]

Corporal Klinger:
Oh some guys like the Army; I think that it's a mess.
If it's so damned terrific, how come I wear a dress?

[Chorus]

Margaret Houlihan:
Oh some nurses in the Army, they haven't tied the knot,
But this one's gonna try it with Donald Penobscott!

Final chorus:
Oh I don't want no more of Army life,
Gee Ma, I wanna go,
But they won't let me go,
Gee Ma, I wanna go home!

Frank Burns [leftover]:
Oh Hawkeye and oh B.J., they think they're pretty smart!
I'd like to take a scalpel and stab them in the heart!
Boy, this is fun...!
Oh, I don't want no more of Army life, [voice fades] gee Ma, I wan...