Season 2 Episode 15

Officers Only

Aired Unknown Dec 22, 1973 on CBS



  • Trivia

    • This episode shows what a couple of suck-ups the by-the-book Frank and Margaret are when they think the rules should be bent to allow a private to enter the officers' club, since the private is the son of Gen. Mitchell, their superior officer.

    • In this episode we hear Hawkeye and Trapper talking about good ol' times how they got Radar drunk and taught him how to drive a jeep in the same night. Yet on a previous episode Radar says he learned how to drive on the bumper cars back home.

  • Quotes

    • (Radar pulls off Hawkeye's blanket and Hawkeye has his feet on the pillow)
      Hawkeye: Radar, who asked you to wake my feet?
      Radar: Sir, your head's at the wrong end.
      Hawkeye: No it's not, it's always been here! I'm gonna count to three, and by the time I get to one I want you out of here.
      Radar: McIntyre needs you in surgery.
      Hawkeye: I just came off 14 hours of surgery, if I cut open one more body it'll be yours, for waking me! Out! And cover my feet, the light's shining in my toenails.

    • Hawkeye: Uh, General, I'm sorry sir. Perhaps you don't realize it, but your wife gave birth to an enlisted man. And it is officers only.
      Henry: Pierce, I'd like to talk to you for a minute about your possible execution.

    • Margaret: I think it only fitting that a Captain be assisted by a Major when working on the son of a General, Colonel.
      Hawkeye: I think you just conjugated the Pentagon.

    • Frank: I wonder if I could say something useful.
      Trapper: I've often wondered that myself, Frank.

    • Frank: General, I believe you remember me.
      Gen. Mitchell: Oh, yes, of course.
      Frank: I'm the, uh, backup surgeon who supervised the possible assistance if not the actual operation on your son.
      Gen. Mitchell: I see, yes.
      Margaret: Major Houlihan, sir, in charge of nursing.
      Gen. Mitchell: I can believe that...
      Hawkeye: And I'm Captain Pierce, the African explorer.

    • Henry (while Klinger is "pregnant"): It's none of my business Klinger, but should someone in your condition be smoking a cigar?

    • Hawkeye (introducing the enlisted men in the officers club): Corporal Radar, who's been like a son to me. Corporal Klinger, who's been like a daughter.

    • Klinger: Yes sirs. Right away, sirs.
      Hawkeye: Cut that out, or I'll snap your garter.

    • Duk (to Henry): May I serve you, sir?
      Henry: You betcha. I've been dying for a banana daquiri.
      Duk: Is that a drink, sir?
      Henry: Oh, yeah. You just take some, uh, bananas, and some rum, and some cream, and some crushed ice and you just put it in a blender.
      Duk: We've got no bananas, no rum, and no blender, sir, and only powdered cream.
      Henry: Okay, give me a beer.

    • Hawkeye: We got you drunk your first time.
      Trapper: Taught you how to drive the jeep.
      Hawkeye: All on the same night.

  • Notes

    • This is the first appearance of the Officers' Club, which would have its interior changed to fit the personality of the camp at the beginning of Year Three.

    • This is the first of 4 appearances by Clyde Kusatsu, playing three different roles.

  • Allusions

    • Hawkeye: Captain Pierce, African Explorer
      Hawkeye doing Groucho Marx yet again, referencing Captain Spaulding the African Explorer from the film Animal Crackers.