Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Major Charles Emerson Winchester III (Season 6-11)
Corporal Walter Eugene "Radar" O'Reilly (Season 1-8)
Colonel Sherman T. Potter (Season 4-11)
Corporal/Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger
Major Margaret J. "Hot Lips" Houlihan
Corporal/Lt. Joe Benson
General Waldo Kent
When BJ and Hawkeye are in the Swamp, BJ's scarf is hanging down, in the next shot it is over his shoulder and in the third shot it's again hanging down.
Col. Potter: Those bad reports I mentioned last night have been coming from inside this camp.
Hawkeye:(shocked) One of us?!
Col. Potter: I try to make this bed a nails a little more comfortable, and this is how I get paid off. One of my own people stabs me in the back with a fountain pen.
Hawkeye: (sarcastically) A simple "thank you" would've sufficed.
B.J.: I don't get it. Benson's just as undisciplined as the next guy, what's he got against Potter?
Hawkeye: Why don't we pin him to the ground, cover him with ants, and ask him nicely?
(Charles caught BJ and Hawkeye going through his mail)
Charles: (angry) Why were you reading my mail?!
BJ: Look, Charles, there's an explanation for this.
Charles: Whatever it is, I don't believe it.
BJ: Charles, someone has been sending secret reports to the inspector general about Colonel Potter. That's why he's packing it in.
Hawkeye: And someone has been suggesting that you were the informer.
BJ: Some nut.
Charles: (stunned) And you chose to believe this provocateur?
Hawkeye: You can't call me that.
Charles: (angry again) I might have known! There are no informers in my family. Winchesters do not spy! We do, on occasion, hire them.
BJ: Ok, it was a dumb thing to do, We're sorry.
Charles: You stupid jerks. There, it has come to this. I have just used the word "jerk."
Hawkeye: Well, we're all slowing down, Charles.
Hawkeye: May I present Corporal Joe Benson, snitch first class.
BJ: His fingerprints are all over that pen in your back.
Col. Potter: Benson, is that true?
Benson: They make it sound worse than it is.
Col. Potter: If I could raise my arms, I'd flatten your nose. What'd I ever do to you, Corporal?
Benson: It's Lieutenant, sir.
Hawkeye: Oh, a commissioned weasel.
Col. Potter: Damn it, answer my question.
Benson: It was an assignment, sir. I was sent by the inspector general to work under cover.
Col. Potter: Why pick on us? Our record was clean as a whistle until you got here.
Benson: Not according to Colonel Frank Webster, the third armor. He was a patient here a couple of months ago. Apparently, he wasn't too thrilled with the quality of your care.
Hawkeye: (confused) Webster? I don't remember any Webster.
BJ: Me either.
Col. Potter: I do. Came through triage with a tiny piece of shrapnel in his tush and a big chip on his shoulder. Got steamed when I told him he'd have to wait until the real casualties were treated.
Hawkeye: (sarcastically) Well, you can hardly blame him. A wound like that would've kept him off a bar stool for several days.
BJ: That still doesn't explain your negative reports Benson.
Benson: Look, you gotta admit. From a military standpoint, things are pretty loose around here.
BJ: Maybe. From a human standpoint, things are plenty tight.
Col. Potter: I'd trade your shoe shines and snappy salutes for a good surgeon any day.
Hawkeye: Even if he looks like us.
BJ: I wouldn't go that far.
Col. Potter: Alright Benson, pack up your cloak and dagger and get out.
Benson: Whatever you say, Colonel.
Col. Potter: Benson, you tell Webster that if he ever gets in my way again, I'm gonna put that shrapnel back where I found it.
(Charles takes a drink from a hair-care product bottle)
Hawkeye: Charles, you're drinking your hair.
Charles: Don't be ridiculous. This is twelve year old scotch. You don't think I'd leave this in the original bottle with you two petty larcenists, do you?
(Hawkeye makes a sickened sound)
Hawkeye: I've been drinking from his scotch bottle.
(Looking through the outgoing mail)
Hawkeye: Here's one from Klinger to his draft board.
BJ: Is it ticking?
(Hawkeye and BJ look through Charles' stuff)
BJ: Monogrammed toilet paper, who's he trying to impress?
Colonel Potter: 86 that MP dodge, try masquerading as a soldier.
Klinger: If you don't mind, I'd like to keep my whistle.
Hawkeye: Where are you staying, Colonel?
Colonel Potter: Officers' quarters.
Hawkeye: Big mistake. That's only a one-star hotel. Even enemy POW camps get two stars.
Hawkeye: Look, Colonel... Sherman... you can give me a hundred good reasons to leave, and I can't give you one good reason to stay. Stay anyway.
Radar: What he said.
B. J.: Please.
Col. Potter: Well, I'll have to think about it. (looks at his watch) What the hell! I'll stay!
B. J.: Hooray!
Hawkeye: Thank you, Colonel, (shakes Potter's hand) you'll regret every minute of it!
Col. Potter: I probably will.
Radar: (hears choppers) Oh oh, choppers! Wow, they sound loaded!
Col. Potter: OK people, let's go! (softly) I hate this place.
Klinger comes up with a new scheme to get out of Korea; he wants to become an MP so that he can escort prisoners back to the States. He probably hopes the prisoners will need to be escorted to Toledo.
This marks the only time that Hawkeye calls Potter by his first name.
User Score: 2130
User Score: 1667
User Score: 10936
User Score: 591
User Score: 437
User Score: 421
User Score: 247
User Score: 156
User Score: 123
User Score: 117
User Score: 116
User Score: 99
User Score: 85
User Score: 74
User Score: 66
User Score: 66
User Score: 65
User Score: 63
User Score: 60
User Score: 60