M*A*S*H Season 10 Episode 19

Potter: I'm just suggesting...that you use your vast repertoire of womanly charms, to occupy him with an evening of boilermakers and getting his hopes up!
Margaret: Colonel, they may have a pro, but you don't! (Storms off)
Potter: Should have offered her a promotion.

(Charles and B.J. have explained to Ubanic why he's feeling "blue".)
Ubanic: I have to tell Pitts.
Charles: Well, uh, sir, I really wouldn't recommend that, if I were you--this isn't the kind of malady that's talked about openly among nice people like Marines.
B.J.: Say it's something a little less embarrassing. Like...V.D.

(Hawkeye is worried about his father's operation)
Hawkeye: Dad and I are to close to... let this all suddenly end with... silence, 12,000 miles apart.
Winchester: Pierce, you should be grateful that... only distance is separating you. My father and I have been 12,000 miles apart in the same room.
Hawkeye: Yeah?
Winchester: The most intimate and personal communication at the Winchester household took place at the evening meal. Every night promptly at 7:15, we would gather at the dinner table. The soup would be served, and my father would begin with "Tell us what you did today, Charles." As the elder of the two children, I was given the privilege of speaking first. I would then have until the salad to report the highlights of my day. Even now, the sight of lettuce makes me talk faster. I always assumed that was how it was in every family. But when I see the... warmth... closeness, the fun of your relationship. My father's a good man. He always wanted what was best for me. But... where I have a father... you have a dad.
Hawkeye: Charles, you never told me anything like this before.
Winchester: Actually, Hawkeye... I've never told you anything before.

Hawkeye: I don't bowl, although I once had a perfect score in lovers' lane.

Potter: If you really care about the 4077th, you will see to it that, by the time a certain Sergeant Ubanic walks into this alley tomorrow, he'll be a shadow of his former self.
Margaret: Are you suggesting I allow some leatherneck to land on the shores of Margaret Houlihan?

Col. Potter: Pitts, we've found a game that we are gonna beat you at.
Pitts: Oh, yeah? What is it? Jacks or tiddlywinks?
Col. Potter: Bowling.
Pitts: Bowling? What're you gonna use for an alley, the minefield?
Col. Potter: I'll handle the alley part. You just have your 4 best bowlers here a week from today. Now are we on or are you (clucks like a chicken)
Pitts: We're on.

Potter: Hunnicutt, you bowl like a grade-school kid. I thought you told me you placed third in your league.
BJ: It was a grade-school league.