Captain Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce
Major Charles Emerson Winchester III (Season 6-11)
Colonel Sherman T. Potter (Season 4-11)
Corporal/Sergeant Maxwell Q. Klinger
Major Margaret J. "Hot Lips" Houlihan
Captain BJ Hunnicut (Season 4-11)
Major Ted Spector
Chung Ho Kim
(Col. Potter is furious at Hawkeye and BJ for threanening Major Spector)
Margaret: I don't blame them for getting angry. I wish I'd been there.
Potter: Well, I don't! They got into enough trouble on their own!
BJ: The guy had it coming with that "daddy" stuff. Besides, we didn't hit him or anything. All we did is intimidate him a little.
Potter: A little?! Threatening to file the AG's top aide under "D" for "Deceased" is not your every day howdy-do!!!
Ms. Harper: There is nothing the Red Cross can do. Our areas of responsibility...
Hawkeye and BJ: Are very specific.
BJ: We know that, Ms. Harper. You folks do a barrel of good for GIs, refugees...
Hawkeye: God knows we appreciate all the blood you send us. Our patients can't get enough of it. But why stop there? Why don't you do something about the Amer-Asian babies? There are more of them every day.
Ms. Harper: It's out of our hands. We have enough trouble dealing with what we're responsible for. And while I agree that this is serious...
Hawkeye: Oh, teriffic. A kid's entire life is at stake, and you agree it's serious.
Ms. Harper: Sarcasm isn't going to help, Captain.
BJ: (bitterly) Then maybe we better leave, Hawk. All I got left is sarcasm.
(Hawkeye, BJ, Winchester and Father Mulcahy are leaving the baby at a catholic mission)
Winchester: Goodbye, small one. (he kisses her forehead)
BJ: So long, angel. Thanks for dropping by.
Father Mulcahy: Go in peace, my child. (he blesses her)
Hawkeye: You brought a little light to a dark and dismal place, and you'll never know what you meant to a bunch of people stuck in a very strange time. (he kisses her forehead) Be happy.
(Hawkeye and Charles are trying to get Prescott, a US Government offical, to send a baby Amer-Asian girl to the US)
Prescott: Well, the answer's no.
Hawkeye: NO?! Just like that, no?
Charles: Pierce, please. Uh, Mr. Prescott, surely you will agree that this is not a decision that is to be made in haste. There must be some discussion.
Prescott: (dismissively) Actually, none whatsoever. We cannot admit an unattended juvenile with no resident relatives to the States. And no application for such admission can be processed without authority from a blood relative in the child's country of origin.
Hawkeye: (angry) Look, Prescott, this unattended juvenile that you're so blithely dismissing could conceivably be murdered in the name of racial purity! You got space on you application for that?!
Charles: Pierce, I'm handling this, 'member?
Prescott: There is nothing to handle. The Immigration and Naturalization Service by statute has strict quota restrictions. My hands are tied.
Hawkeye: Now, there's an idea.
Charles: Uh, just a moment. Uh, Mr. Prescott, there are always alternatives.
Prescott: Not in this case, Major.
Charles: Mr. Prescott, I have friends of considerable influence. Congressmen...
Prescott: Gentlemen, you are wasting my time.
Prescott: Please believe me, this is departmental policy.
Charles: Cabinet members...
Prescott: There can be no immigration under the circumstances you have set forth.
Charles: Captains of industry...
Prescott: (dismissively) Good day.
Charles: (outraged) There is nothing good about it, Mr. Prescott! We are discussing a little girl, a human being who is facing a life of misery! An issue infinitely more important than you and your stupid seating arrangements!
Charles: Shut up, Pierce!
(Prescott's desk phone rings and Charles grabs it before Prescott can answer)
Charles: (into the phone) Mr. Prescott is in conference! Let them eat out! (he hangs up)
Prescott: (flabbergasted) How dare you!
Charles: You smarmy bureaucratic microbe. You're going to that dinner breathing through your fly!
(Charles lunges at a terrified Prescott, causing Hawkeye to restrain him)
Hawkeye: Run for your life, Prescott! Its a wild boar!
Potter: We're already at war with half of Korea! I don't wanna end up fighting the whole country!
Mulcahy: Is this child of mixed parents?
Hawkeye: All we know is that there was one of each. Is that mixed enough?
Margaret: Her father's an American and her mother's Korean.
Mulcahy: I was afraid of that.
Hawkeye: (confused) What's the problem? We want to get her into an orphanage, not a country club.
Mulcahy: Uh, the orphanage will take her, of course, but that won't help her much. The problems faced by children of American soldiers and Korean women are very serious. When the people of the villages find out about them, the lives of the children and mothers become a horror. They're outcasts. Little boys have been emasculated, and little girls killed outright.
Margaret: (horrified) MY GOD!
Mulcahy: Even in the orphanage, the other Korean children will be very cruel to her. And when she grows up, she'll be ostracized by every segment of korean society. THIS CHILD HAS NO FUTURE HERE, NONE AT ALL! She'll end up a virtual slave, or worse.
Hawkeye: There must be somebody who can help this kid.
Father Mulcahy: I'm afraid not. Her only hope, and that's slim at best, would be sanctuary in one of the old Catholic missions.
Hawkeye: We'll take it! Slim is better than none.
Margaret: What do we do? Where are these places?
Father Mulcahy: Well, there's one not too far off. Armies for centuries have fought around it, left it untouched. The monks will keep her cloistered, educate her, and in fifteen or twenty years, working with their other monasteries abroad, perhaps they can get her out of Korea.
(Hawkeye, Margaret and Col. Potter look appalled)
Col. Potter: With all due respect, Father, that doesn't sound like much of a life.
Father Mulcahy: It isn't. But its the best we can do.
Hawkeye: (dismissively) No its not. She's half American. We'll send her to America and get her a room at the Statue of Liberty.
Chung Ho Kim: Gentlemen, it is truely not a matter for my government to deal with.
Hawkeye: This kid has a label that says 'Made in Korea.' Who do we talk to, Yugoslavia?
Chung Ho Kim: I am sorry.
Potter: What about the terrible stories we hear? Mutilating babies, killing them?
Chung Ho Kim: Sadly, Colonel, in some cases they are true.
Hawkeye: My God! What kind of place is this?!
Potter: Easy Pierce. We're just visitors here.
Chung Ho Kim: Its all right, Colonel. The Captain asks a valid question.
Hawkeye: Then how about a valid answer?
Chung Ho Kim: This is an ancient land, Captain. Its culture goes back many, many centuries. It has survived many wars. Our people are of one race. It is their feeling that the intrusion of a mixed-race child into such an orderly society represents disorder. Such a child is hated here.
Hawkeye: Yeah, so I've heard.
Chung Ho Kim: I do not deny that they are treated with terrible cruelty. Korean law barely acknowledges their existence, and protects them not at all.
Chung Ho Kim: This may seem harsh and inflexible, but such attitudes are not unique to my country.
Hawkeye: Oh, who is it now, Bolivia?
Chung Ho Kim: No, Captain, your United States. Americans are not the only ones fathering children, but they are the only ones who ignore them. France, Great Britain, the Netherlands, acknowledge a responibility for these unfortunate babies of their military. They will support and help them, offer them citizenship. But the United States, 'where all men are created equal,' refuses to do this. You reject the children of your own people.
BJ: Major, why is this so tough? All we want, somehow, is to send a baby to the states. How do we do that?
Major Spector: How about parcel post? (he laughs)
Hawkeye: (sarcasticaly) Very funny.
Major Spector: (irritated) Look, Captain, when you first got here I explained to you that this is covered under Korean civil law. This is not an army matter.
Hawkeye: Not an army matter?! You jackass, Where do you think that child came from?! You've got people in American soldier suits running around out there making babies, and then making tracks! Don't you think it's about time it became an army matter?!
Major Spector: CAPTAIN, there is a war going on out there. We cannot be resposible for what happens when a soldier gets lonely. Why the hell are you two so steamed up over some kid anyway? (insultingly) One of you guys the, uh, daddy?
BJ: Oh, ho. It's a good thing for you we're doctors, 'cause I'm gonna break every bone in your body.
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