Season 3 Episode 2

The Case of the Swami Scam

Aired Weekdays 5:00 PM Jan 22, 1990 on PBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Announcer: (during the Swami's mugshot) Swami River, only son of Old Man River, was tried and convicted of a 190.65: Scheme to defraud in the first degree, and a Title 19: Section 1341: Mail fraud. He was sent to a State Penitentiary for his crimes, and put to work in the prison mail room. Zip code: 01310.

    • Mr. Bully: Look, I just got greedy. Okay? But there is one thing I want.
      Kate: Yes, sir?
      Mr. Bully: As a lawyer, a trusted member of the American Bar Association, a man who has sworn to uphold the cannons of ethics...
      George: You wanna see justice done.
      Mr. Bully: No. I want my 5 G's back.

    • Captain Greco: What a scam. And it's mathematically based, too.
      George: Well, I guess math can be used for evil as well as for good, skipper.
      Captain Greco: You have a real way with a phrase, Frankly.

    • Sergeant Abruzzi: You know what? I betcha you guys are the mathematicians from La-La Land. Am I right about this or what?
      Kate: L.A.? Right. I'm Kate Monday. This is my partner, George.
      George: Frankly.
      Kate and George: (flash their badges) Mathnet.
      Sergeant Abruzzi: (stands up and points to his badge) Sergeant Abruzzi, NYPD.
      (Captain Joe Greco arrives)
      Captain Greco: I'm Captain Greco. But you're gonna have to take my word for it. My badge is in my jacket.

    • Swami: You and me, we sweat and strain.
      Bodies all aching, and wracked with pain.

    • Benny: I'm off to the Garden.
      George: Madison Square Garden? What's goin' on?
      Benny: Hoops! Basketball. Knicks vs. the Lakers.
      George: The Lakers will kill 'em.
      Benny: Get outta here. We'll undress those L.A. yokels. They'll be lucky to get outta town with their socks.

    • Benny: (enters the office) Oh! Sorry. I was looking for two cops from L.A. Didn't mean to trouble you.
      Kate: No trouble.
      Benny: Excuse me.
      George: Hold on! We're two cops from L.A.
      Benny: Get outta here! C'mon. You guys can't be from L.A.
      Kate: Why not?
      Benny: No... shades.
      George: Not everyone in L.A. wears dark glasses.
      Benny: Since when?
      Kate: We're two cops. Actually, we're two mathematicians from L.A. So what?
      Benny: Really? Beautiful! I'm Benny. Benny Pill. I hack.
      Kate: You what?
      George: He drives a cab.
      Benny: You sure you're from L.A.?
      (George nods)

    • George: I would like to put forth a prediction.
      Swami: Go ahead.
      George: I predict you're about to leave town.
      Swami: You're exactly right.
      Kate: Let me ask you a question, Mr. Swami River. Why do you seek retired lawyers to pull your scam on?
      Swami: Retired lawyers have got money, and they're gullible.
      George: We thought so.
      Swami: Now, I hope you'll excuse me, but I'm gonna hafta leave.

    • (just as the Swami is about to escape with Miss Elmira's money...)
      Kate: Not so fast, Swami, my dear old Swami. (she and George flash their badges) You're under arrest!
      Swami: No, I'm not! I was under arrest once. (extracts his gun) And I hated it. Get over there! Both of ya!
      (he corners George and Kate in front of the fireplace)
      George: (in his feminine voice) This is no... (normally) ...way to treat a lady!
      Swami: You're right, but then, you're no lady.
      (he pulls off George's wig)
      Kate: He's got you there, George.

    • (George is wearing one of Miss Elmira's dresses)
      George: Kate, I feel ridiculous.
      Kate: You look adorable.
      George: (sarcastically) Thanks a lot.
      Kate: Joe Namath wore pantyhose underneath his uniform to keep warm, you know.
      George: Yes, but under a football suit. Not under a dress!

    • (Benny points his gun at the Swami before he can escape)
      Benny: All right, Swami! Drop the gun!
      Swami: (drops his gun) Rats! The jig is up!
      (Benny slaps the cuffs on him)
      Kate: Benny, you're not supposed to have a gun.
      Benny: (flashes his badge) Benjamin Pill, NYPD. Undercover.
      (George and Kate are surprised)
      Kate: Benny, you're a cop?
      Benny: Yeah. I hope this doesn't mean you're gonna take me off your Christmas card list.
      George and Kate: Nope.
      Benny: Good. And don't forget, the cab meter's still running.
      George: Well, what's it up to now?
      Benny: About 7,000 and change. C'mon, Swami.
      Swami: I should've known. Get a little drunk with power,...
      Benny and the Swami: And you land in jail!

    • Miss Elmira: (after the Swami's capture) All I can say is thank you!
      Kate: It was our pleasure, Miss Elmira.
      Miss Elmira: And, young man?
      George: Yes, ma'am?
      Miss Elmira: You can keep the dress. You look smashing in it!

  • Notes

    • Debuts: Captain Joe Greco, Sergeant M. Abruzzi, and Officer Benny Pill.

    • A preview of this story aired 1/8/90 in a one hour primetime special, the five segments separated by Square One TV commercial parodies. It was offered as a chance for parents to check out the new season's PBS children's programing.

  • Allusions