Season 5 Episode 5

A Technical Error

Aired Sunday 6:30 PM Nov 26, 1961 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • Discontinuity: Although billed as Blackjack Hardy in the end credits, Frank DeKova's character is referred to as Blackjack Carney throughout the entire episode.

  • Quotes

    • Pappyism: Money is always there, only the pockets change.

    • Bart (about Major Sims): His money was going so fast it didn't even have time to say goodbye to him.

    • Maj. Sims: If I quit now, I'd always wonder if my luck would've changed.
      Bart: Well, knowing when to quit is one of the most important parts of the game.
      Maj. Sims: What do professionals do when they hit a losing streak?
      Bart: Well, some cut their throats. If that doesn't work, they ask for a new deck and a change of scene.
      Maj. Sims: What kind of a gambler are you?
      Bart (fans his stack of bills): I would say a very rich one.

    • Ferguson: What can I do for you, doctor?
      Holliday: Uh, a room with a private bath, please.
      Ferguson: You want a private bath, just remember to lock the door.
      (Ferguson laughs, Doc Holiday does not)
      Holliday: One thing to be said about bad jokes, they drive me to drink.

    • Bart: Pappy always said I'd wind up owning a bank, or was it robbing a bank. I wish I could remember because Pappy's predictions had an embarrassing way of coming true.

    • Sheriff: Gentlemen, no gambling in the streets. You know the law, George – gonna gamble, go inside somewhere.
      Deputy George: Gee, Sheriff …
      Sheriff: Get off the street, all of you. Oh, George, use my office if you like.

    • Penelope: Well, if there's, uh, anything I can do to help you get settled here, you just have your wife call on me.
      Bart: Well, I will as soon as I find a wife. In the meantime, is there anything else you'd like to know?
      Penelope: Oh, if there is something I'd like to know, it might be more fun to find out for myself.

    • Miss Hennessey: No need to be so shy, dear. There's nothing wrong in advertising in a matrimonial journal, is there, Mr. Maverick?
      Bart: Oh, no. No, but of course with so much to sell, there's very little need for advertising.
      Penelope: You ever seen the men in this town?

    • Holliday: There comes a time in every man's life when he must decide to grow up, to use his head. Do you understand me?
      Holly: Sure, honey.
      Holliday: So he starts thinking and thinking, and what happens? Nothing, absolutely nothing. He thinks all the joys of life right out of his existence. Do you follow me?
      Holly: I know just what you mean, honey.
      Holliday: Then remember this : the mind can think all sorts of things, but it can't think not to think. It's the trap of maturity.

    • Holliday: Well, stick around, I'm about to get married.
      Bart: Hey, that's good … What? Did … did you say getting married, legally?
      Holliday: Yes. Legally, licensed, minister, church, bridesmaids, rice and old shoes. Did I leave anything out?
      Bart: Yeah, just the one thing that I thought it would always take to get you to the alter - the shotgun.

    • Bart: Hey, Doc, why don't you make the young lady happy and … stay single?
      Holliday: Have you ever heard the "Wedding March," Bart?
      Bart: Oh, many times, but always from a safe distance.
      Holliday: Well, I think it's beautiful, especially when it's accompanied by the tinkling of a cash box.

    • Holliday: You know, I don't believe in the old-fashioned adage that a woman's place is in the home. My future wife will be surrounded by nice, clean, newly-minted money. I know what happiness really is. Would you care to be my best man?
      Bart: Stand around and watch you sell yourself, uh-uh.
      Holliday: Well think of it as I do - think of it as a dowry instead of an outright sale. You know, marrying into a bank is like acquiring an annuity.
      Bart: Say, Doc, how do you expect to get your fingers on the money?
      Holliday: Oh, well, I'll juggle the books or the young lady, whichever is easiest.

    • Bart: I don't want any part of your get rich quick schemes.
      Holliday: Now do you have a private office in this bank of yours?
      Bart: I naturally do.
      Holliday: Well, supposing we go over and talk it over - or are you afraid to show it to me?
      Bart: 'Course I'm not afraid, I'm scared to death.
      Holliday: Yeah … Don't you realize what you have here? Don't you realize what owning a bank can mean?
      Bart: It means living a clean, decent life, being respected and having honest people look up to me. And besides, I like the hours.
      Holliday: Well, you can't do business with an honest person. As a matter of fact, you will never get anywhere yourself until you get rid of that fatal, stultifying taint of honesty.
      Bart: Come off it, Doc. Why can't I be respectable?
      Holliday: There is nothing worse than a reformed bum!

    • Holliday (Doc discovers Bart has been lying): You low, conniving Judas, it would take an earthquake to make me leave now.

    • Bart: Miss Baxter, Doctor Holliday's a friend of mine. And where women are concerned, he's amoral, dishonest, unprincipled and conniving. And as long as you work for me, my responsibility is towards you.
      Penelope: Oh, well … well, I thank you very much for warning me, Mr. Maverick.
      Bart: Perfectly all right. Monday?
      Penelope: Yes.
      Holliday: And thank you, Mr. Maverick, for that wonderful recommendation. Now all I have to do is sit back and wait for her to reform me.

    • Holliday: Seems there's gonna be a run on the bank. I wonder if our saintly friend knows that his halo is about to become a noose?
      Penelope: What about Church, you promised you'd go with me?
      Holliday: I'll meet you later. I'm going to love saying 'I told you so.'

    • Holliday: I told you so. I told you so. You can't do business with an honest man.
      Bart: You are a big help.
      Holliday: When did you figure out your loss?
      Bart: This morning. There's $20,000 missing!
      Holliday: Why do you think I sent you that champagne?

    • Bart: Well, that's just fine. Now if there happens to be a run on the bank Monday morning, and I don't happen to have enough cash to cover it - well, they're gonna think I stole it! I could go to jail.
      Maj. Sims: Not if you run for it.
      Bart (scoffs): If I run for it? Major Sims, what do you think would happen if I went to the Sheriff and told him the truth?
      Major Sims: Professional gambler tricked into winning a bank?
      Holliday: The truth is ridiculous.
      Major Sims: Wasn't easy to lose, I kept getting perfect hands. Be smart, Mr. Maverick. Take the five thousand you won in cash and get away before you're lynched.

    • Bart: The Major was right, I better get out while the getting's good.
      Holliday (sees the Sheriff on guard): The getting's not good!
      Bart: I'm open for suggestions.
      Holliday: Do they have to be honest?
      Bart: Well …
      Holliday: I can get you out of this mess providing I can use the facilities of this bank in the manner they should be used. It-it'll legal. Not honest, but legal.

    • Bart: What would you say if I were to tell you that we're $20,000 short and Major Sims doesn't know where the money is?
      Miss Hennessey: Well, if it's my $20,000, I'd say he didn't know where to look.
      Bart: You're twe … what'd you say?
      Miss Hennessey: You ought to have a physical check-up, Mr. Maverick; first you can't see what I'm doing, now you can't hear me.
      Bart (whispers): Miss Hennessey, is the money still in the bank? (she nods yes) Well then, why can't I find it?
      Miss Hennessey: Did you know you could worry yourself into bad health?

    • Maj. Sims: You're paying away 25% interest? That's illegal.
      Holliday: If it's not repaid in time, that's suicide.
      Bart: Where'd ya get the money, Doc?
      Holliday: Now, uh, what type of man would you say carries that much cash around with him with no place to put it?
      Maj. Sims: Haven't the vaguest.
      Bart: Forget it, Mr. Sims. Answer my question!
      Holliday: Well, I used your stock, uh, to persuade Blackjack Hardy and his kid brother, The Durango Kid, and Denver Slade to partake in a semi-legitimate investment.
      Maj. Sims: Good day, gentleman.
      Holliday: You declared yourself in, Major, and you're in - or I shall persuade Durango Kid to say that you planned every bank job he's ever done.

    • Bart: Blackjack Hardy, Durango Kid and Denver Slade, the three worst thieving murderers this side of Dodge City and they're also my partners?
      Holliday: Oh, and don't forget Blackjack's kid brother, Little Sonny, he's in too.
      Maj. Sims (stunned disbelief): Little Sonny.
      Bart: But how could you do it, Doc?
      Holliday: To save your hide, chum.
      Bart: For what - a rope?

    • Bart: My idea was a natural, based on simple larceny. It gave the illusion that everyone could win and no-one could lose. If you say "But any smart man knows he can't get something for nothing", my answer is "How many smart men do you meet in your life?"

    • Holliday: Gather 'round, folks.
      Bart (voiceover): It was like shooting big fish in a small barrel. Overnight, Gold Brick Trading Stamps became a mania. It was like gold fever, people couldn't wait to bring us their hard-earned money so they could get stamps and trade them in for premiums a junkman wouldn't touch.
      Townsman: There, Sheriff, they-they stopped me, took my rifle and all the money in the house and then they run off with my horse.
      Wife: Oh, never mind that. They took three books of my Gold Brick Stamps, three books! Well, don't just stand there, go find them!

    • Holliday: Who said women had the corner on the world's stupidity?

    • Blackjack: Ma wanted one of us to get educated, so he got stuck with it, bein' the youngest. Uh, Sonny, what was the name of that place you went to?
      Sonny: Yale.
      Blackjack: Yeah, that's it. Uh, now they know how to pull a stickup. Cost me all kinds'a extree's. That college robbed me blind.

    • (Blackjack and his gang have "voted" themselves onto the bank's board)
      Blackjack: Let's put it to a vote! (Bart raises his hand)
      Holliday: Uh, you're voting to rob your own bank.
      Bart: I've had enough respectability to last me a lifetime, Doc.

    • Bart: Somebody just robbed the bank! The posse's out looking for 'em now.
      Sonny: Well, let's go after them. (Blackjack restrains Sonny) It's our bank!
      Blackjack: I don't know what they taught you at Yale, but if we go anywhere's near the posse, they'll shoot us dead before we open our mouths.
      Sonny: But it's our bank!

    • Blackjack (from jail): It's gettin' so an honest crook can't make a decent livin' no more. That's progress for ya.

  • Notes

  • Allusions