Pappyism: Love, and love alone, will send a man soaring into the depths.
(Cornelius "attacks" Bart)
Bart: Want to try again?
Cornelius: I merely hoped to prevent you from stabbing my Pachycerus.
Bart: Your what?
Cornelius: The cactus. She's female and very delicate.
Bart: I'm sorry. I was so thirsty I, uh, I didn't even notice the sex.
Cornelius: Her spines are bruised but … I think she'll be alright.
Bart: Bart: Well, that's a relief. Do you get this worked up over every cactus?
Cornelius: It's the love of my life.
Bart (having lost all his money to Cornelius): Where did you say you learned the game?
Cornelius: Harvard. Now maybe this'll teach you to take off your hat the next time the Crimson passes.
Bart: Uh, you've already taken my shirt. Now don't get greedy.
Engineer: Right on time, just like your father.
Cornelius: He means you. Wave back.
Bart: My pappy wasn't on time for his own wedding.
McPherson: He's on the train, back in his private car.
Jeannie: How cozy. I must drop in and say hello.
McPherson: Better make it soon, he won't be around long.
Jeannie: You love your work, don't you?
McPherson: Why not? I'm good at it.
Jeannie: Close your mouth, your fangs are showing.
Colonel: Van Rensselaer's a very attractive young man, Abigail … and you're a young woman.
Abigail: What's the matter, father? Can't you bring yourself to call me attractive, too?
Colonel: I've been struggling for years to pay the tuition for the best finishing schools in the country. Haven't they taught you anything?
Abigail: Unfortunately, father, they have. They've taught me ethics.
Colonel: Ethics. (sighs, shaking his head) More like your mother every day.
Bart: Did you take care of my assistant?
Burke: Well, I tried to sir, but he insists on staying in the baggage car with the horses. He just sits there, writing and then looking at some kind of a cactus. If you don't mind my saying so, sir, he seemed a little peculiar.
Bart: There's nothing peculiar about him. He's just in love with a Pachycerus.
Bart: Who's tryin' to push you off this train?
Cornelius: Nobody. You slipped and fell off. It was an accident. It could happen to anyone.
Bart: But it happened to me, and I'm supposed to be you.
Cornelius: Watch your step, Bart. It won't happen again.
Bart: Well, it looks as if I'm out of chips again, Colonel. Would you mind cashing another check for me? Say three thousand?
Colonel: Why, it'd be a pleasure, my boy. I venture to say a check with the name "Van Rensselaer" on it's good anywhere in the world.
Bart: Well, a lot depends on the handwriting, Colonel.
Colonel (laughing): You're a great jokester, my boy. Just like your dad.
Cornelius: What's the idea of putting my signature on all those checks?
Bart: It's your signature, my handwriting. Don't worry, the banks will never cash 'em.
Cornelius: Hope you're right. Just in case, why don't you try winning for a change?
Bart: Haven't got the heart, Junior. There's nothin' sadder than watchin' a card shark get old. Nimble fingers stiffen up, they get thick and clumsy. The Colonel was tryin' to deal seconds and they were comin' out from all over the deck.
Cornelius: That's dishonest. You should call him on it.
Bart: Bart: He's doing what he likes best in the whole world. It's not costing anybody anything. Let him enjoy it.
Cornelius: Hey, wait a minute, Bart, we made a deal.
Bart: You didn't tell me it was gonna be so dangerous.
Cornelius: You a coward?
Bart: Isn't everybody?
(McPherson is telling Jeannie that Hakime has killed "Bart")
Bart: Excuse me. Have you seen Mr. Hakime?
Bart: He, uh, promised to let me glance at his newspaper.
Jeannie: I'm sure he won't mind.
Bart: Thank you. (Bart departs with the paper)
Jeannie: Well, looks like it's time to send in little old Jeannie McCabe.
Colonel: You didn't even smile. No wonder he's wasting his attentions on that McCabe woman.
Abigail: Oh, crack the whip as much as you like father, I'm not gonna jump.
Colonel: Here you have a millionaire at your fingertips and you while away your time in some worthless no-account in the baggage car. No wonder you're …
Abigail: Ah-ah, don't say it. I know, father, I'm getting more like my mother every day.
(Jeannie points a derringer at Bart)
Bart: You intend using that thing?
Jeannie: I don't know.
Bart: It's so sad. All along, I thought it was my charm.
Jeannie: You've got plenty of that.
Bart: Well, Mr. Hardman isn't going to be happy about this.
Jeannie: Oh, I don't hire out to kill men. I'm just supposed to distract them.
Bart: Start distracting.
Bart: Well, if I didn't like money so much, Corny, I'd … I wouldn't set foot back on that train.
Cornelius: Aw, Bart, you don't know how much it means to me. It's really a matter of life or death.
Bart: Oh, I know.
Cornelius: Come on, you're doin' fine. They can't hurt us.
Bart: You better keep your eye on the referee, because somebody's tryin' to kill me.
(Bart picks up a Turkish newspaper, written in Arabic script)
Hakime: If you don't mind, that belongs to me.
Bart: Oh, by all means. I, uh, I was merely curious about the weather in Constantinople.
Bart's comment, and the Turkish man on the train, are references to Agatha Christie's Murder on the Orient Express (1934). In that classic mystery, detective Hercule Poirot boards a train in Istanbul, which was still named Constantinople at the time of Bart's adventure. In the novel, Poirot uncovers a murderous conspiracy. Here, Bart discovers that several passengers are trying to get rid of him, or rather, the man he's pretending to be - Cornelius Rensselaer.
User Score: 342
User Score: 3031
User Score: 2255
User Score: 1167
User Score: 1117
User Score: 458
User Score: 146
User Score: 103
User Score: 41
User Score: 37
User Score: 25
User Score: 19
User Score: 15
User Score: 14
User Score: 12
User Score: 12
User Score: 8
User Score: 8
User Score: 7
User Score: 6