Pappyism: If you're gonna' drop names, drop 'em hard.
Pappyism: If at first you don't succeed, try somethin' else.
Peters (pocketing Bret's money): We're takin' you over to the jail, Maverick.
Bret: Why, is gettin' robbed a crime in this town?
Peters: Stole my saloon, that's crime enough.
Bret: I won it fair and square.
Peters: You're still goin' to jail.
Bret: Well, we'll just see what the sheriff has to say about this.
Peters: I can give you the answer to that right now. I'm the sheriff.
Kate: I'm a-standin' bail for ya, Mr. Maverick.
Sheriff Peters: Don't look at me. Far as I'm concerned you can rot in here.
Bret: Well, I'm much obliged to you, Mrs., uh...
Kate: Kate Dawson, and it's Miss. Never met a man up to changin' it.
Bret: Well, I'm pleased to meet ya. Do I know you?
Kate: No. And I don't know you from Adam, but I heard about ya.
Bret: Well, it's a very kind thing you're doing.
Kate: I don't go in for charity, Mr. Maverick. Charlie Peters here'll tell you that.
Sheriff Peters: She can read the numbers off a dollar bill at a hundred paces.
Kate: He was the gentlest, most dependable critter that ever lived the quiet life. Well, somethin' sure got into him. And because I know that he's as … as helpless as a six-day old kitten, I'm plain worried and I want him back.
Bret: What makes you think I can do the job?
Kate: Anybody that could take Charlie Peters' saloon away from him the way you did could handle anything.
Bret: You'll notice Charlie Peters got his saloon back. And you're talkin' about a woman, that's even worse.
(Bret loses his thousand dollar bill in a high card draw)
Bret: Well, there's nothin' like a good, fast game a poker, I always say.
Dawson: Women are fickle, Colonel. Longhorns are not.
Bret: Well, now that's something worth rememberin'.
Melanie: Oh, but, Johnny dear, I've always wanted to own a gold mine.
Flannery: You owned a gold mine – Mark Dawson, but you let him slip through your fingers.
Melanie: Oh, Mark Dawson's a pauper compared to the Colonel.
Flannery: Have you seen any of the Colonel's money?
Melanie: Don't be vulgar. What kind of woman do you think I am?
Flannery: Well, I have the answer to that, but I don't think you'd like it.
Dawson: No, I suppose, that from time to time each of us walks down temptation's path.
Bret: Well, I've been known to run down it.
(Melanie is crying "crocodile" tears)
Dawson: Miss Blake, may I inquire what it is that ails you?
Melanie: Oh, I didn't know you were here.
Dawson: Ma'am, you may weep all night, but you will find me a man of iron.
Dawson: Oh, but, n-n-now, don't let my misfortune stop you from returnin' to Texas, Colonel.
Bret: Your misfortune is my misfortune. I'm not really a Colonel, your sister hired me to bring you back home to Texas
Dawson: Wh - my sister, Kate?
Bret: That's the truth, Mr. Dawson.
Dawson: Wh - well … Well, now I … I certainly would like to be able to oblige you and go back to Texas, but, oh, my goodness, Kate would skin me alive.
Bret: Me, too, I'm afraid … Was Melanie with you in the game room?
Dawson: Oh, yes, yes. Yes, she sat right there beside me.
Bret: That was very friendly of her … (resumes "the Colonel's" Texas drawl) Mr. Dawson, I'm gonna try to win your way back to Texas.
Bret: I'll call.
Flannery: Full house, tens up.
Bret: (sighs) They tell me that beats three-of-a-kind … Eh, congratulations, Mr. Flannery.
Flannery: Luck of the game. Colonel. (Bret glances up and sees an overhead mirror)
Bret: I just don't see how you do it, Mr. Flannery, that mirror shinin' in your eyes.
Flannery: You accusin' me a cheatin'?
Bret: Did sound like that, didn't it?
Mr. Mason: You'll have to get out.
Bret: All righty, I'll get out. That's the second time I've had that invitation around here, and you're goin' to regret it.
Mr. Mason: Oh, I am? How very interesting. Uh, tell me how.
Bret: Hmm. You're gonna regret it. Big John Flannery's gonna regret it. The whole town of Saratoga is gonna regret it.
Mr. Mason: Oh, I suppose with all your so-called wealth, Colonel, you intend to buy Saratoga Springs, hmm?
Bret: (scoffs) I wouldn't own the place on a bet. Let me tell you this: when I get through with Saratoga Springs, ain't gonna be nothin' but a first-desert... a second-desert.
Mr. Mason (reading from Bret's "telegrams"): "Sell off three or four of my smaller goldmines," the telegram says. Now, does that sound to you like a pauper?
Flannery: What's he up to? Did he say?
Mr. Mason: No, it's all very mysterious. But he does say something about the promise of huge profits. I'm afraid we may have made a mistake, Mr. Flannery.
Melanie: It was your idea to have him thrown out of the hotel. Don't forget that.
Flannery: We still own half of the Queen Ranch. Don't forget that.
Melanie: But the Queen Ranch is in Texas. Colonel Maverick and his, uh, money are here.
Flannery: Colonel Maverick, I want to see the proof you talked about.
Bret: Oh, I didn't say anything about any proof - you did.
Flannery: I demand to see it!
Bret (laughs): Mr. Flannery, why don't you go off someplace and play cards.
Bart: Lovely country you have here, Colonel.
Bret: Uh, this is the first time I've seen the Professor since he was run outta Abilene for, uh, runnin' a shell game.
Bart: And he hasn't changed. He was almost thrown off the train for dealing marked cards.
Bret (referring to Melanie): She's poison, Mr. van der Grift.
Bart: I'll do my own sampling, Colonel Maverick.
(Kronkhite is "probing" for water)
Bret: You think he's overdoin' it?
Bart: Trust me, brother Bret. When I hire a crook, I hire the best.
Kronkhite: Eureka, gentlemen. This is it: the finest spring water I ever heard!
Flannery: Gentlemen, I'm prepared to become an active partner, and give you the benefit of my vast experience in smoothing the way for this development.
Bret: Well, what do you think, Mr. van der Grift?
Bart: Oh, I think we should take Mr. Flannery … in.
Dawson: Gentlemen, how did we do?
(Bret hands him the signed ranch deed)
Kronkhite: For three country boys from Texas, you're doing just fine.
Bart: Oh, I beg to disagree, Professor.
Bret: What do you mean?
Bart: Uh, Mr. Flannery owns one-third of Maverick Springs. Now it seems a shame to deprive him of the other two-thirds.
(Bart is informed his "uncle", the Commodore, will be arriving)
Bart (to Bret): I hear Texas calling.
Kate: I can offer ya 25,000. Cash.
Flannery: I'll take it. Anything to get the name of Flannery separated from the fumes. Thank you, Miss Dawson. You're the only gentleman around here.
Bret: Now, how come you'd a throw away 25,000 perfectly good dollars for nothin'?
Dawson: Well, it isn't exactly for nothin'.
Kate: I took a look at that property. I hired a real geologist. We got the finest deposit of natural gas in this whole part of the country.
Bret (laughing): You know, brother Bart, we could take lessons from her?
Flannery: Maverick boys, huh? (Bret and Bart nod and agree) And I thought I was a first-class swindler.
Bret: Well, you forget there are two of us … Sir.
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