Season 5 Episode 6

Poker Face

Aired Sunday 6:30 PM Jan 07, 1962 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Pappyism: There's imperfection in all of us, it just shows more on some, that's all.

    • Stallion: Got any iron, cousins? (puzzlement) Guns!
      Rockingham: Of course not, that's your job to protect us.
      Stallion: Oh, excuse me, I just thought you might be hankerin' to live a little while.
      Jones: Uh, your name, my man?
      Stallion: Folks just call me Stallion, cousin.
      Jones: Well, guns, Mr. Stallion, are weapons of the devil.
      Stallion: That's right, cousin, and you're liable to meet him south of the border.
      Rockingham: We are not your cousins, my name is George Rockingham!
      Jones: And I, Mr. Stallion, am Dr. Jones, on my way to Guatemala. I am a missionary, so don't worry, this will be a safe trip. I shall pray for it.
      Stallion: Do that. We need all the help we can get.

    • Stallion: Well, Little Dave McGraw. I haven't seen you since you held me up on the St. Louis run.
      Chauncey: Shh-h-h-h.
      Stallion: You wouldn't have any ideas about this run?
      Chauncey: No, I retired from the stage coach business, Stallion.
      Stallion: Dave McGraw, bein' a paid companion.
      Chauncey: Well, actually a bodyguard. Them Englishers call 'em "butlers." You know, a butler's got class, security! A man's gotta think of his old age.
      Stallion: Even if his boss calls him Chauncey?
      Chauncey: No cracks, Stallion. I ain't forgot how to use a .45!

    • Stallion: We're, uh, bypassin' our next way station in San Rango
      Rockingham: Well, then we'll be pinned up in this wooden box for 15 hours.
      Stallion: Better than to be cooped up in a wooden box for eternity, cousin. There's trouble in San Rango.

    • Bart: Dr. Jones, if that stare of yours is any indication of your concern for my health, I must tell you, I feel very well, thank you.
      Jones: Only on the surface, Mr. Maverick, inside you're critically ill.
      Bart: My old Pappy used to tell me that, uh, soap from molasses will cure just about anything.
      Jones: Except a sickness of the soul
      Bart: You know, I don't think my old Pappy ever thought of that.

    • Jones: Gambling is a curse on society, Mr. Maverick. The fact that you can speak so lightly of it is only a sign of your moral disintegration.
      Rose: I must disagree with you, Dr. Jones. Mr. Rockingham was gambling too, yet you direct your anger only to Mr. Maverick. Why?
      Jones: What do you and your kind know of such matters? There's no place here for alien thought. You, woman, are as sick as Mr. Maverick.
      Rose: You insult me because I do not agree with you. I don't understand you.
      Bart: Miss Kwan. Dr. Jones has a sickness.

    • Stallion: But we better not discuss bandits with the others, might alarm 'em.
      Bart (scoffs): They believed that story you told them about the attendant dying with a heart attack, they're even dumber than I thought.
      Stallion: Well, didn't he? If a knife in a man's chest don't cause a heart attack, I don't know what will.
      Bart: I still think you oughta tell 'em all of it.
      Stallion: Company policy says don't alarm the passengers.

    • Rose: I don't understand, have I done them some wrong?
      Bart: Oh, yes you have.
      Rose: Well then, it was through ignorance. I'm a stranger here.
      Bart: And that's exactly how you wronged them. You see, you're different. What they don't understand, they hate.
      Rose: Why is this so with people.
      Bart: Oh, I don't know. I guess the human animal has created it's own jungle.
      Rose: What do you mean, Mr. Maverick?
      Bart: Well, see in the jungle, the snakes don't talk to the lions. 'Course the lions, they don't talk to the elephants, and the elephants don't hobnob with the rhinoceros. But they all know they have to share the same water hole in order to survive.
      Rose: And the human animal doesn't know this?
      Bart: Oh, I guess, deep down most humans know it. The trouble is, that a few of 'em would rather poison that water hole than share it.

    • Bart: Say, tell me, are you this Bolanos fella?
      Luis (slaps Bart): The name requires more respect. You will refer to him as Senor Bolanos. I killed the station attendant quickly because he would've warned you. I kill more slowly for insults.
      Bart: I'll see that it doesn't happen again.

    • Bolanos: I see you like this ugly face, hmmm? To all you well-kept Americanos, this is a thing of beauty, hmmm? Like something out of a nightmare, perhaps. Obey my requests and you will never even have to look upon me again. (to Bart) What you think, huh, say something!
      Bart: What is there to say? We're your prisoners.
      Bolanos: Say something, (turns face to show scar) about this!
      Rose: Do you enjoy inflicting pain upon yourself?

    • Bolanos: I am a Mexican, senor, and Yaqui blood flows in my veins along with that of the Conquistadores. In the eyes of the great land owners, a Yaqui is a thing of dirt and degradation. But there is more honor in one Yaqui than in all the great landowners put together.
      Rose: And you are getting money to help them?
      Bolanos: I will get 10 million, 20 million … whatever it takes. And I will become their leader, and we'll go back to the padrones and force them to sell us the land - and only then will my people be able to break their chains. That is why I do what I do now. It is my life work, my …
      Bart: Your destiny.
      Bolanos: Si, senor, that is the word. I read much now trying to perfect myself to become a great leader, but I have a lot to learn.

    • Bleakly: Bolonos seems quite taken with the Kwan girl, gentlemen.
      Jones: What can you expect from a savage like him?
      Bleakly: He invited her to dinner, he caters to her; yes, I-I think he's quite taken with her.
      Jones: Well, their kind are always attracted to one another.
      Rockingham: I'm a businessman and I believe in insurance, Jones.
      Jones: I don't understand, Mr. Rockingham.
      Rockingham: Well, despite our natural feelings, I think we should show Rose Kwan a little more "gallantry." For insurance reasons?
      Jones: Yes, distasteful as it may seem, you're right. She may be the key to our getting out of this miserable situation, although I have been praying.
      Rockingham: Well, do that too, but in the meantime, let's be "nice" to the Kwan girl.

    • Luis: Now we play for money.
      Bart: Good.
      Luis: But you, Senor Maverick, have none of this commodity.
      Bart: Correct.
      Luis: Or, how you say, you hold out on us - and you do have more money?
      (Bart reaches into his boot and pulls out a coin)
      Bart: For emergencies only, uh, $50 gold piece?
      Luis: Hundred pesos.
      Bart: That's worth five hundred.
      Luis: It's a buyers market.

    • Bolanos: You teach me this game called poker. You will not find me as easy as Luis.
      Bart: First thing in the morning.
      Bolanos: Now!
      Bart: Uh, yeah, well, that's what I meant, right now, of course, the, uh … Well, this game of poker is played with the … both the hands and the face, uh, mostly the face.

    • Renaldo: What is it, Maria? Bolanos has already paid his protection dues for this month.
      Maria: I have come to discuss the matter of your promotion, Capitan Renaldo.
      Renaldo: That subject always interests me.
      Maria: How would you like to make Major?
      Renaldo: A promotion always entails legal activity. (laughs) I do much better illegally.
      Maria: We could split about 80 thousand American dollars, in ransom and loot - almost legally.
      Renaldo: Almost? I will not split hairs over such a sum. There's such a tiny line between (laughs) legal and illegal anyway.
      Maria: All you have to do is take San Rango - and capture Bolanos, dead.
      Renaldo: But San Rango's a fortress. There's only one entrance, well-guarded.
      Maria: I will dispose of the guards.
      Renaldo: How? You are a female.
      Maria: It is because I am a female that it will be such a simple matter. You leave it to me. (both laugh)

    • Bart: You're called. I hate to do this to an amateur, senior. (turns over card) I have a flush. You know, I could tell by your expression that your hand was very doubtful. (reaches for the pot)
      Bolanos: Un momento, senior. (turns over card) Full house, no? But you are the one who said this game was played mostly with the face.
      Bart: Yeah, I, uh … I guess I did. (pulls out his $50 gold coin) How much for that?
      Bolanos: 50 Pesos.
      Bart: Fifty? But Luis gave me a hundred …
      Bolanos: I'm sorry, senior.
      Bart: I know, I know. It's a buyers market.

    • Bolanos: Now that you've won all of my guests property back, they are costing me money.
      Bart: Well, those are the fortunes of poker, Senior Bolanos. Care to continue?
      Bolanos: I have horses, we could play for those.
      Bart: No, I don't need any horses. It's a buyers market, you know.
      Bolanos: I have guns … no, no, under the circumstances, it would not be right.
      Bart: Of course not.
      Bolanos: We could play for Maria!

    • Bolanos: There, the ransom money is now all yours.
      Bart: Sorry.
      Luis: Sebastian, you cannot mean that you have gambled away all that ransom money.
      Bolanos: Si. Si, Luis, everything - including my gun, only the senior was kind enough to let me wear it.
      Bart: Anything to oblige.
      Luis: But, Sebastian, they are our prisoners. Take everything back and shoot Maverick.
      Bolanos: No! It is a matter of honor. That is the one thing that is left for us they cannot take away.
      Bart: I certainly admire your spirit, Senior Bolanos. Shall we continue?
      Bolanos: I'm a …
      Bart: Cleaned. What stakes then?
      Bolanos: We bet for people.

    • Stallion: If I do say so, that's somethin' of a record between here and Yuma.
      Bart: Congratulations, this is Captain Renaldo. The, uh, Mexican cavalry rescued us.
      Stallion: You mean I raced all the way back here with the ransom money for nothin'?
      Renaldo: The money, she is in here?
      Stallion: Sure, it's here - $70,000 worth of it.
      Renaldo: I'll take charge of this. I'll see that it'll get back to the Yuma bank.
      Stallion: Thank you, kindly.
      Renaldo: A pleasant journey, gentlemen.
      Bart: I've got an idea that money'll never get back to Yuma
      Stallion: Don't matter. I got a letter of credit from the Yuma bank for Bolanos - 'case it didn't work.
      Bart: Well, you mean there isn't $70,000 in that bag?
      Stallion: Oh, it's in there, all right - but it's all Confederate money. (laughs)

  • Notes

  • Allusions