Freddie: I regret the need to say it, but you're most adept with your hands, Mr.…
Bart: Maverick! Bart Maverick! You're sort of adept yourself.
Bart: Like with four card draw.
Freddie: Oh... you mean three card draw.
Bart: No, four card... three from the deck and one from your sleeve.
Freddie: Well, I must say, a patron of the arts?
Bart: All 52.
Bart: No wonder at all, Freddie. The only thing they forgot when they made you was a fuse.
Freddie: The idea I'm wondering about could be worth $2,000.
Bart: Wonder a little more.
Freddie: Splendid, come along. Oh, and...so there's nothing between us. (He pulls out Bart's pick-pocketed wallet and hands it to him)
Bart: My wallet!
Freddie: Public school training, devilish hard habit to break.
Freddie: What I want, Maverick, is for you to go up to this ranch and impersonate me.
Bart: Impersonate? Well, I don't even have an accent.
Freddie: Then keep your mouth shut. Take a look at the decent side. Such an outing would be a lark for a chap like you. It might kill me.
(As they spy on Freddie)
Beau: Is that the little weasel?
Bart: Complete with chicken coop.
Beau: Yes, well that poor luck is going to cost you an extra thousand dollars, Mr. Bognor. Added to which, there will be an additional thousand posted as bond, bringing the total you owe for this impersonation to $4,000.
Freddie: $4,000! Why that's robbery!
Bart: Oh, nonsense, that's enterprise.
Beau: Yes, well, we all look different through the bottom of a bottle.
Herbert (puts a razor to Beau's throat): Regard the razor, laddie. I mighta been a proper barber if I coulda stifled a tendency to remove the ears.
(Beau finishes explaining his "ransom" plan)
Beau: Well, what do you say?
Herbert: I say it's … it's like confrontin' the devil without takin' the trip.
Marquis: (to Bart) Maverick, I'm beginning to believe they slapped the wrong end when you were born.
Bart: It's miserable country around the Inscription Rock area. It's a terrible trip; and besides, your baggage hasn't arrived.
Marquis: I have everything I need. I once walked from Kabul to Samarkand, sucking two peach pits. How far is it?
Bart: How far? It's, uh, it's four days!
Marquis: Then we'll do it in two - on safari! Come on!
Marquis: Pecos? Brazos?
McGee: They're Texans. Texans are all named after rivers and forts.
Bart: What did I do?
Beau: Aw, I couldn't explain it in seven centuries.
Beau: You could improve yourself. It's been done before.
Molly: I've heard of that, too. (affecting an upper British accent) You walk around, straight as an andiron, practicing things like, "The grain in this plain could never grow in Spain."
Beau: You've got it! By Jove, you've got it!
A reference to lines from George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion.