Stranded at a remote Army post, Bart overpays for the only transportation he can buy: an old wagon and it's load of goods. But after checking out his new wagon and it's contents, Bart finds that he has bought into nothing but trouble and a potential Indian uprising.moreless
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Captain Paul Score
Discontinuity: Chad Everett is listed in the end credits of Part 1, but only appears in Part 2.
Lieutenant: What happened to you, man?
Bart (groans): This happened. (holds up bear-tooth necklace) Just a cheap peddler's necklace nobody'd pay two bits for. For every tooth on that necklace, a hundred people were to die.
Bart: Hey now, wait a minute. You just can't leave me out here to wander around in the sun.
Cannonbaugh: Can't I?
Bart: Hey! (Bart pulls Cannonbaugh from the wagon)
Cannonbaugh: Now would you … would you hit a weak old man, now?
Bart: It's way safer than hittin' a strong, young one. Now do I get that ride or don't I?
Cannonbaugh: Well, all right, all right. All right, but it'll cost you $10.
(Cannonbaugh gets out a canteen of water)
Cannonbaugh: Hey, there's a lotta water in this here canteen. You thirsty, you just go ahead and take a drink there.
Bart: Thanks. (Bart raises the canteen but is stopped)
Cannonbaugh: That'll cost ya a dollar a swaller.
Bart: It's a small world.
Angel: Oh, I guess I always knew that one day I'd run into a member of the "I knew Angelique" club.
Bart: Well, I'd heard you were married, Angel, but nobody mentioned he was an officer.
Angel: Paul won a battlefield commission four years ago. He's been climbing ever since.
Bart: Uh, what's this I hear about your, uh, proud old New Orleans family?
Angel: That's Paul's idea, not mine. He thinks that "The Pink Tambourine" isn't the proper finishing school for an officer's lady.
Angel: Oh, Paul says that "ladies shouldn't giggle." He read it in an etiquette book someplace.
Bart: Can't be the same one I read, I kinda like to hear you laugh.
Angel: Oh, and you know you always had a way of making me do it.
Bart: Long as I seem to be stuck, might as well make the best of it. Where do I find the action, Corporal?
Cassidy: Well now, just what kind of action would ya be wantin', mister?
Bart: Hmm. (Bart gestures dealing cards)
Cassidy: Oh no, no, no, no. Uh, gamblin' ain't allowed on the post.
Bart: As far as I know, it's not allowed on any post, but I've yet to be on one where the men don't have a poker game goin' somewhere, usually in the settlers store.
Cassidy: Well, on this post, we observe the rules.
Bart: Oh, that soldier standing out there is just enjoying the scenery, huh?
Cassidy: That he is.
Bart: And that whistle he gave wasn't a signal to hide the evidence?
(Bart lifts up the wooden crate)
Bart: Oh, what are these?
Cassidy: Well, search me what them are. Uh, would you be knowin', Sutler?
Sutler: Uh, well, it appears to me like … pieces of some kinda thick paper.
Bart: That's right. They're called cards. My old pappy used to say you could tell fortunes or make fortunes with them. So, unless one of you gentlemen is a gypsy, why don't we play some poker?
Bart: Would you mind tellin' me how you figured my bankroll so close?
Cannonbaugh: Uh, Luther Cannonbaugh was … born knowin' things like that.
Bart: $2,000 for a couple of over-aged horses and a beat-up wagon. (scoffs) There's no question about it, us Maverick's are pretty shrewd bargainers.
Bart: There was one thing worse than smuggling whiskey into a military post--smuggling an unauthorized Indian.
Bassington: It's possible they may have sold her to another tribe - as a slave. It's a lot of money in that for people who'll stoop to it.
Edith: It's hard to believe that people could be that callous.
Bassington: Unfortunately, there are many white men who are so cold-blooded they'd make the Indians look like choirboys.
Bassington: Just … a minute, Mr. Maverick. From the cut of your clothes, I'd say you're a gambler.
Bart: Uh … yes sir, I'll get your …
Bassington: And I'm willing to bet you're trying to hide something in that closet from me.
Bart: No, General …
(Bassington opens the door and finds Tawny)
Bassington: You know, Mr. Maverick, you'd do well to practice more on that poker face of yours.
Score: You're an anchor, that's what you are, Angel. Me tryin' to get up in the world and you holdin' me back, just like an anchor.
Angel: Well, is it my fault Maverick showed up here?
Score: It's not only just Maverick, it's you yourself. How many times a day have you nearly let it slip what you used to be?
Angel: I can't see where it would be so terrible if people knew the truth.
Score: Of course not. Of course not. General, this is the little woman. If you applaud real loud maybe she'll throw you one of her garters, just like in the old days at the "Pink Tambourine". And now, sir, how about a promotion?
Angel: And is your way any better, Paul? Stepping on Maverick's neck and the Commandant's neck and everybody else's neck just like they were … so many rungs of a ladder!
Score: Anyway to get to the top is the right way.
Cannonbaugh: All right, how much ya gonna pay me for that?
Bart: You can't be real, Luther. Why, you just can't be real!
Cannonbaugh: Well, it's my gun, ain't it?
Bart: And you tried to kill me with it, now get up!
Cannonbaugh: Well, what has that got to do with it? Ya take a man's gun, he's got a right to get paid.
Bart: Give me that pistol belt.
Cannonbaugh: Aw, no, now, you're just … you're no better than just a hold-up man.
Cannonbaugh: I think maybe I'm gonna spend the rest a my life right here, Maverick. You, too.
Cannonbaugh: Look behind ya.
Bart (chuckles): No, you don't, Luther. That "look behind you" routine went out with the French and Indian War.
Cannonbaugh: Just the same - you better look behind ya.
Bart: You know, Lieutenant, if I had a dollar for every life this necklace has cost, I'd never have to deal another card as long as I live.
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