Season 5 Episode 3

The Golden Fleecing

Aired Sunday 6:30 PM Oct 08, 1961 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Pappyism: There's nothing like a boat trip, if you're going someplace by water.

    • Pappyism: The most important thing to know about any gambling game is when to quit.

    • Mr. Chang (calling Bart's hand): It is said that one cannot gather honey without risking the sting of bees.
      Bart: Three aces, Mr. Chang.

    • Mr. Chang: You seem to be an exception to your occidental rule, Mr. Maverick.
      Bart: What rule is that, sir.
      Mr. Chang: He who is fortunate at cards, is less fortunate at, uh, (gazes at Adele) other endeavors.

    • Mr. Chang: Her father is L. B. Jaggers.
      Gambler: Play that hand right, Maverick, and you'll end up owning half of the state. Travelling alone?
      Mr. Chang: The gentleman at the bar works for her father as an engineer.
      Bart: Believe me, he'd make a much better watchdog.

    • Mr. Chang (calling Bart's hand): The price a man will pay to satisfy his curiosity.
      Bart: Deuces full, Mr. Chang.
      Mr. Chang: It will be an honor to meet you again, sir.

    • Adele: Do you swim as well as you play poker?
      Bart: Well, lets hope we don't have to find out.

    • Phoebe: Miss Jaggers lost some of the curl in her hair, but otherwise, she's good as new.
      Bart: Thank goodness, I was afraid I hadn't saved her.
      Phoebe: Thee didn't, she saved thee.
      Bart: Oh.
      Phoebe: Now, eat this before it cools.
      Bart: I'm afraid I'm not up to eating anything now, thanks.
      Phoebe: Thee will eat what is placed before thee.
      Bart: Uh, yes ma'am.

    • Bart: Now there's another reason that working for your father just doesn't appeal to me.
      Adele: Could it be that you just don't like the idea of working?
      Bart: Touché. Now I've known many clock-watchers in my time, including your friend, Mercer. I wouldn't trade places with any one of them. Did you ever notice their faces, drawn and dried-up like an old prune?
      Adele: You should see your face when you're betting into a pat hand.
      Bart: Well, that's different.
      Adele: Of course it is, poker's a game. Games are for children.

    • Bart: Even if I did consider it, and I won't, what makes you so sure your father would offer me a job?
      Adele: He respects my judgment. And besides, he'll see you're as charming, clever and ambitious as I said.
      Bart: I'm not so sure ambitious is the right word.
      Adele: You could be, with a little shove.

    • Albright: The good Lord has seen fit to grant us this bounty, but as yet he hasn't given us the knowledge or the means necessary to extract the ore. That is why we…
      Bart: And you think that I … I'm sorry, Mr. Albright, but I don't know the first thing about mining.
      Albright: Mr. Maverick, we are a simple people, and our knowledge of the world of business is .. is very limited. So, when thee arrived, at a most opportune time, it seemed thee must've been sent in answer to our prayers.
      Bart: Believe me, sir, if anyone was gonna be sent in answer to a prayer, it would never be a Maverick.

    • Jaggers (referring to Bart): Does he play poker?
      Mercer: Well, he thinks he does.
      Jaggers: (to Stone) At the house, 8:30. (to Mercer) He won't know it, but he's going to be our Judas goat, lead the Albright lambs to the slaughter.

    • Mercer: Well, you play the game as if you'd been weaned on it.
      Bart: Well, Pappy wouldn't let any of us Mavericks even deal before we could walk.
      Mercer: Let me give you some advice, Maverick. Miss Jaggers is bored, so she collects things : stray cats, dogs, even tinhorn gamblers. She keeps them around for laughs, nothing more.

    • Jaggers: You let me handle this underwriting on the stock, Ill see to it you get the commission on the sale and learn the investment business. (laughs) We'll make a team, boy, yes sir, and money besides. Why your winning in the stock market will make what you pocketed here tonight look like peanuts. Well, what do you say?
      Bart: Well, my nose bleeds above four figures.
      Jaggers (laughs): Then buy some handkerchiefs, 'cause you're gonna need 'em.

    • Bart: Mr. Jaggers, what would happen if your information was wrong, if Mint Land went up?
      Jaggers: Then I would've lost. Ever sandbag at poker?
      Bart: Only when I think I can get away with it.

    • Mr. Chang: You have not given up poker?
      Bart: No, no, just temporarily - for the stock market.
      Mr. Chang: For a moment I thought you had turned your back on gambling.

    • Adele: Well, I never thought I'd have to do the proposing, but, if I must …
      Bart: Uh-h, now don't say something you're liable to be sorry for in a month or two.
      Adele: No longer than that?
      Bart: I'm not the marrying kind, Adele, I thought you understood that.
      Adele: I'm beginning to. It's that starched little Quaker, isn't it?
      Bart: Phoebe! (scoffs) Now you're stretching my imagination.
      Adele: Am I? I heard how you fawned over her last week, but I ignored it because I thought you'd get over it. You received thousands of dollars commission on the sale of the Eureka stock, don't you think you should remember who buttered your bread?
      Bart: You'll pardon me, but if I leave now, I may be able to remember you without the claws.

    • Bart: Not only was I holding all the aces and kings, but the queen of San Francisco's social and financial circles as well.

    • Adele: Daddy's going to freeze them out. They won't get enough gold from those bluffs to fill a tooth.
      Bart: I don't believe you.
      Adele: You don't believe? (laughs)
      Bart: They own 25% of that company, your father can't freeze them out.
      Adele: Do you want to bet on that, Mr. Tinhorn? (Bart turns and leaves) I hope you have a deck of cards left, because you're going to need them!

    • Bart: Bad news travels fast, but Jaggers' rumors and lies broke every existing speed record. Before I could say Lee Hong Chang the price of Eureka Mine shares was falling faster than a barometer in a typhoon. The stock was being dumped so fast the board boy was getting writer's cramp. I was getting a cramp too, but it wasn't in my hand.

    • Bart: I don't have time to explain now, but we've gotta stop 'em or you're gonna lose everything.
      Albright: But it was thee that advised us to enter into the contract.
      Bart: I know, but I was wrong, as wrong in thinking I could trust him as you were in thinking I was sent here to save you.

    • (Phoebe hands Bart a check)
      Bart: Forty thousand … Where'd you get this, Phoebe?
      Phoebe: My father, Mr. Carter and the others have mortgaged their farms. As soon as thee feels well enough, we shall take thee back to San Francisco to fight Mr. Jaggers with his own fire.
      Bart: This may not be enough. Your people are liable to not only lose this, but their farms as well.
      Phoebe: We have faith. The same faith that saved Jonah from the belly of the whale.
      Bart: Phoebe, we're dealing with man-eating sharks.

    • Bart: My pappy used to say the most important thing to know about any gambling game is when to quit. But Jaggers pappy, if he ever had one, had neglected his son's education. So he continued to sell, driving Eureka stock so low no-one would touch it with a 10-foot pole. Oh, no-one that is but an anonymous sucker, who according to rumor was buying the stock to wallpaper his house with.

    • Butler: Mr. Maverick, if someone'd sell, the price of Eureka would start up again and your friends could regain some of the money they've lost.
      Bart: I'm sorry, Mr. Butler, but I don't know of anyone who'd be interested.
      Butler: What?
      Bart: In fact, I seriously doubt if there's any Eureka stock for sale at any price.
      Butler: But if Mr. Jaggers isn't able to deliver the stock he sold to drive the price down, he … he'll go to jail for fraud.
      Bart: I know.
      Butler: And there-there's none for sale, not even a hundred shares?
      Bart: Oh, not even one share. (grins)

    • Jaggers: Maverick, you scheming underhanded sneak! I taught you and you-you-you turned on me. While I was selling, you were buying.
      Bart: That's right. Now I have it all, every single share of Eureka Mine, and if you're interested in staying out of jail, you'll have to buy at my price.
      Jaggers: No, sir, you back-stabbing manipulator!
      Bart: In that case, Mr. Jaggers …
      Jaggers: Ah, now, wait a minute, hold on there. I wouldn't be very happy in jail. But, don't you think I'm gonna beg!
      Bart: If it were up to me, you would. But, fortunately for you, my friends don't believe in vengeance.

    • Jaggers: Impossible, but … but I-I …
      Bart: Don't have a choice.
      Jaggers: You know it, you card-playing bandit. All right, come on now, sell me those shares.
      Bart: I'm sorry, sir, but I can't.
      Jaggers: What?
      Bart: Until I talk to the Albright's and there friends.
      Jaggers: Friends?
      Bart: The Yip Sung Tong and the other suckers, I believe you called 'em? They have to approve the deal.
      Jaggers: But there isn't time, I only have an hour.
      Bart: They're waiting just outside the door.
      Jaggers: Why you low-down miserable … (laughs) By golly, Bart, ya beat me, beat me at my own game! My own game!

    • Bart: As a poet once said : Faith can move mountains.

  • Notes

  • Allusions