Season 5 Episode 9

The Maverick Report

Aired Sunday 6:30 PM Mar 11, 1962 on ABC



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Holliday: (caught "hiding") Bart, my old friend, it's good to see ya.
      Bart: I'll just betcha it is. Doc, you are a low-down, connivin' double-dealer.
      Holliday: Shh-h-h, Bart, quiet, these gentlemen are my colleagues.
      Bart: When you left me in Dodge, you left me holdin' the bag, and you know it, Doc.
      Holliday: Bart, she was beautiful.
      Bart: And her husband was eight-feet tall. If I hadn't paid him that $2,000 you owed him, he would've busted me up into little pieces.

    • Holliday: Bartender, four whiskeys please.
      Bart: Oh, Doc, just have time for one.
      Holliday: Make that three.

    • Bart: Hey, tell me, Doc, a man who builds up a practice doesn't have much time to concentrate on the finer points of poker playing, does he?
      Holliday: Ah, they still play…(lowers voice) They still play the same undergraduate game, but the Doc Holliday School For Happy Losers opens any minute.
      Bart: Well, that's fine. I'll see you just as soon as school is over, Doc.
      Holliday: Why?
      Bart: To pick up the $2,000 you owe me. Or take it in gold inlay or bridge work or what have you. Oh, incidentally, Doc, don't run out on me this time, will ya?
      Holliday: (Doc raises his right hand as if to swear) Why…
      Bart: (Bart lowers Doc's hand and puts a drink in it) Oh, swearing does not become you, Doctor.

    • Jonesy: Hey, you better not stand too close to that man, you'll catch politics.
      Harrison: How are you, Jonesy?
      Jonesy: Oh, save your charm, Gary, Mr. Maverick here doesn't happen to be a registered voter in the fair state of Colorado. You got a story for my paper?
      Harrison: Well, outside of the hotel opening up, it's been a slow week.
      Jonesy: Oh, come now. The good Senator must've stolen some public utility. Maybe just a little one? Huh? Well, I guess I'll just have to rehash one of his earlier swindles.

    • Harrison: Mr. Maverick, whether you're a registered voter or not, I'll buy you a drink sometime …
      Bart: Well, thank you very much.
      Jonesy: Uh, what about me?
      Harrison: You I'll just buy sometime.
      (Harrison leaves as Jonsey chuckles)
      Bart: Jonesy, does he take orders or give them?
      Holliday: He doesn't give anything, he's a politician.

    • Jonesy: Oh, I'll, uh …I'll stop by the office and sign the papers over to you before I leave - just in case.
      Bart: You expecting an accident?
      Jonesy: Um, I'm the kind that carries an umbrella just to make sure that it doesn't rain.

    • Jonesy: Well, good morning, Miss Porter - good morning, Miss Porter.
      Jeanie: Why two good mornings?
      Jonesy: Oh, just being polite - one for each face.

    • Jeanie: How would you like to make a quick profit on "The Clarion"?
      Bart: How much is a quick profit?
      Jeanie: About $2,000.
      Bart: I'm sorry, but "The Clarion" isn't for sale … yet.
      Jeanie: I'm making this offer for my father, the Senator.
      Bart: I'm turning down the offer for myself, Bart Maverick. But if you look me up in a week, I may change my mind.
      Jeanie: What makes you think you'll be alive in a week?
      Bart: Is that a threat or a question?
      Jeanie: Haven't decided yet.
      Bart: Well, as soon as you do, be sure to let me know. We can continue this conversation then.
      Jeanie: Sit down. You can't walk out and leave me in a saloon.
      Bart: My dear young lady, you were not supposed to be in the saloon in the first place.

    • Bart: Ah, quite a nice little place you have … uh, I should say, I have here.
      Molly: Know anything about running a newspaper?
      Bart: No, but I learn fast … provided there's money in it.

    • Sheriff: You must be a rich man, Mr. Maverick, understand you're being sued for a hundred thousand dollars.
      Bart: If Senator Porter thinks he can scare me all I can say is he's a …he's an excellent judge of character.

    • Bart: All right, I know when I'm licked. I never was the crusading type. Tell you what I'll do, I'll sell you "The Clarion" for exactly what Jonesy owed me.
      Harrison: Well, you don't seem to have the point yet, Mr. Maverick. You see, we don't have to buy it, we're going to get it. We're going to get it and everything else you own. Now, have I made myself clear?
      Bart: Quite. Yes, I see your point with remarkable clarity. Now that the proof of the Senator's graft is gonna be buried in the same grave with Jonsey.
      Harrison: Buried with Jo … what was tha …
      Bart: Oh, that's a very good show of surprise. I bet you're wonderful in front of a jury.

    • Holliday: Mold men's minds.
      Bart: Hmm-m-m?
      Holliday: That's where the real money is, my boy, manufacturing public opinion to swing elections.
      Bart: Doc, you're a financial wizard.
      Holliday: The trouble with you, Maverick, is you have no imagination. Why the printed word is much more lethal than a gun.

    • Holliday: I hate to say this, Maverick, but you're just a babe in arms when it comes to high finance … What you need is a partner.
      Bart: I do?
      Holliday: One who knows the intricacies of the printed word, one firmly wedded to the highest ideals of the business world - getting the mostest out of the most! In short, you need me.
      Bart: Now, Doc, it's my paper.
      Holliday: Well, didn't I show you how to make a gold mine out of it?
      Bart: Well, no…
      Holliday: Haven't we been friends for a long time? Bart: Oh yes, Doc, but…
      Holliday: How much did you give for the paper? Bart: Well, fif…18 thousand.
      Holliday: Here's the two thousand I owe you, plus nine thousand.
      Bart: Doc, I thought you said you didn't win anything?
      Holliday: Fifty per cent interest in the paper.
      Bart: (as he quickly pockets the cash) Now, Doc, I don't think you oughta do that.
      Holliday: I always wanted to be a newspaperman. Why, I can see my own column now, in a big black box: Hello Suckers!
      Bart: (laughing) Doc, you have some fabulous ideas.

    • Bart: Oh, uh, Doc, incidentally, before Sam starts to show you around the place I think you better take a look at that, partner.
      Holliday: A summons, for what?
      Bart: Well, Senator Porter slapped a libel suit on "The Clarion" and its owners for $100,000 … Oh, Doc wait. Ya see …
      Holliday: I could kill you right here.
      Bart: Oh no, no, Doc. No. No. No.
      Holliday: You conniving …
      Bart: Oh now, Doc, remember, you're the …
      Holliday: … double crossing low-down Texas gambler!
      Bart: Doc, remember, you're the one who forced yourself into this partnership, I had nothing to do with it!

    • Molly: Oh, I hate to see such a nice man get mixed up with Jeanie Porter.
      Bart: Doc can take care of himself, Molly. Holliday: (finishes "studying up" on the Porters) Well, I guess I know that well enough.
      Bart: When can you start, Doc?
      Holliday: Well, since you want to rush, we have no time for the subtle approach. The quickest and easiest way to meet the lady is to save her life.
      Bart: Save her life? From what?
      Holliday: I'll let you know that in a minute.

    • Bart: Well?
      Holliday: They have an excellent cook. The wine is only second-rate. The cigars are magnificent …
      Bart: Doc!
      Holliday: … and the lady is beautiful.
      Bart: How long do you think it will take?
      Holliday: She is also intelligent.
      Bart: Oh, now, that poses a problem.
      Holliday: Don't let it worry you. Fortunately, I am irresistible.
      Bart: You better have that drink, Doc, I'd hate for a lie like that to get stuck in your throat.

    • Porter (to Holliday): You know, when a man like you pretends to be modest, look out.

    • (Doc looks at the river before taking a drink)
      Holliday: That's the biggest chaser I've ever seen.

    • Bart: Now you leave the bottle ashore.
      Holliday: What if I swallow some of that water? I'm gonna need an antidote.

    • (Holiday capsizes the boat and falls in the water)
      Holliday: The life preserver! Life preserver!
      (Bart tosses him the bottle of booze)

    • Sam: Mr. Maverick, how's your friend Doc Holliday doing?
      Bart: Sam, he looks and sounds and moves like a champion - as long as you keep him away from the water.
      Sam: It's a lot easier turnin' an expert into a dud than vice versa.

    • Bart: Now listen to me, I've got a lot of money riding on this.
      Holliday: So have I, so have I. C'est la vie.
      Bart: Sure, that's life, well I can afford to lose the money. I hate to think of you making a fool outta yourself over some cheap, conniving little phony.
      Holliday: Don't …
      Bart: I know what I'm talkin' about, Doc. I can prove it.
      Holliday: Bart! I don't like to kill my friends, but if you say one more word against Jeanie, I'm gonna make an exception in your case.

    • Jeanie: You can't live down a scandal in Washington. I've always been on the Grade A, Preferred and Embassy lists.
      Holliday: And marrying me will only get you invited to second-rate parties, is that it?
      Jeanie: Doc. Why do we have to get married? Well, don't look so shocked, how many times have you said that?
      Holliday: Well, I guess I've had that comin' for a long time. No, Jeanie, you go on back to Washington. But remember one thing, it's impossible to repeal the law of retribution, and one of these days it's gonna catch up with you.

    • Holliday: What do you suppose the moral is to all this?
      Bart: Doc, I wouldn't know a moral if I fell over it. But I do have a caption for this picture.
      Holliday: What's that?
      Bart: "Having lots of laughs in the Ivy League wing of the Porterville prison."

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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