D.A. Manuel Devalos
Det. Lee Scanlon
Detective Scanlon: (to Rondell while pointing his gun at him) Now drop that gun and I'll read you your rights. Or you could try something stupid. We'll get a priest in here to read you a different set of rights.
Joe: (referring to the ringing phone) Aren't you going to get that?
Allison: Why? It's one of the wicked stepsisters calling to say, she's coming to the ball. Bet she wants me to stop and clean her fireplace.
Joe: (after Allison sits on the phone and gets it out from under her) Wow. Are you one of those people who can talk out of their ass?
Allison: That's not funny.
Joe: It's kinda funny.
Bridgette: (referring to Allison) Don't let her chop my head off!
Joe: Chop your head off? (to Allison) Oh, are you bringing your work home with you again?
Allison: (seeing Det. Scanlon looking at a wedding picture) Planning a wedding? Shopping for a photographer?
Detective Scanlon: How does this work?
Allison: I don't know. Whoever made me this way forgot to give me an instruction book.
Detective Scanlon: Hey, task force, you got any idea what any of these people actually might look like? I mean, that'd give us a real leg up. Are they male? Are they female?
Allison: It doesn't work like that. I don't see them. I feel them.
Detective Scanlon: Oh, well, okay. So does he feel like an Anglo guy? Or a Latin guy? Is he black? Or maybe he's got kind of an Asian feel.
Devalos: Wow. She's right. You are an ass.
Detective Scanlon: Thanks for that vote of confidence.
Joe: (referring to the crime scene photos Allison's looking at) Wow. The things you won't do to try and spice up our love life. I don't know about you, but this does nothing for me.
Allison: That's not funny. These people are really dead.
Allison: I had a dream the other night.
Detective Scanlon: Oh, crap. Shoot me now. (to Devalos) She's not a criminologist at all, is she? I knew it when I saw her walk in without her evidence kit. I had to tell her to put on her booties and gloves. Do I have the word "jackass" stenciled across my forehead?
Devalos: All right, you need to lower your voice.
Detective Scanlon: Oh, my God!
Devalos: Did you hear what I said?
Detective Scanlon: (ignoring him) What do I look like to you, Manny? She's one of those sob sister fortune-tellers that crawls out from under a rock when you can't find the missing kid. And it's been over a year. And the parents are getting desperate. And they'll listen to just about anyone! Isn't she?
Devalos: Point in fact, up until recently, Mrs. DuBois was a very accomplished law student…
Detective Scanlon: What were you thinking? How the hell is she gonna get me a task force? What are you going to do, walk up to the mayor and tell him she had a dream? No, seriously! Answer me that! Just how is putting me together with Milli Vanilli The Psychic, here, gonna get me a task force?
Devalos: You're right. That was never gonna happen.
Detective Scanlon: Well then… Would you – would you mind telling me just what was the point?
Devalos: The point, assuming she agreed with you that there was something worth investigating, was that Mrs. DuBois is your task force. That's it. She's all the resources anyone is ever gonna give you. Period.
Allison: (to Devalos) Oh, boy. You really know how to make a girl feel special.
Detective Scanlon: I don't know what your specialty is. Forensics, linguistics, criminology. Maybe you're with the F.B.I., or the C.S.I., or the C.I.A., or the Kiss-My-Ass.
Allison: So what do you make of that dream?
Joe: Some guy kills his wife? I don't mean to make you nervous, but that happens every day.
Allison: At the marriage counselor?
Joe: Every other day.
Allison: With the therapist, urging him on?
Joe: I take your point.
Joe: (with foamy shampoo on his nose) Hey, do I look like a fool to you?
Allison: You are a deeply disturbed man.
Joe: Thank you, darling.
Allison: (to Joe) You don't give a dentist candy, and you don't buy a kitten for a veterinarian, and you don't plan a surprise party for someone like me.
Det. Scanlon: (to Devalos) You're insane. (to Allison) And you're insaner!
Allison: And you do have the word "ass" written on your forehead without the word "jack" before it!
Allison: So what do you think happened?
Det. Scanlon: I don't know. Not that.
Allison: "Not that"? That's your basics for task force? "Not that"?
Joe: Call Maury Povich - tell him I'm ready for my close-up.
Allison: I just had the weirdest dream.
Joe: Of course you did. It's a day that ends in "y".
International Air Dates:
Czech Republic: December 15th, 2008 on Prima
Allison: It's one of the wicked stepsisters calling to say she's coming to the ball, but she wants me to stop and clean her fireplace.
This is a reference to Cinderella, a fairy tale about a young girl named Cinderella whose stepmother and two bratty daughters treat her horribly and make her do all the housework. Cinderella sneaks to a ball one night where the Prince is looking for the perfect girl to marry, and they fall in love and live happily ever after.
Det. Scanlon: It's like the Gone with the Wind of gun control movies.
Gone with the Wind is an epic novel published in 1936. In 1939 a film adaptation was released, which is the highest grossing film is Hollywood history.
Det. Scanlon: Bowling for Columbine.
Bowling for Columbine is a 2002 documentary by Michael Moore that explores the roots of gun control in America.
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