Mike & Molly

Season 1 Episode 22

Cigar Talk

1
Aired Monday 8:30 PM May 02, 2011 on CBS
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Episode Summary

Joyce invites Vince to be her date for her graduation reunion, prompting Vince to confess to Mike that he never graduated from high school, and asking him for help in passing his equivalency exam.

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    • QUOTES (7)

      • Mike: (to Vince) I'm just saying that you shouldn't feel bad about not graduating high school.
        Vince: Easy for you to say, you're a learned man.
        Mike: Well, I wouldn't say learned, but I had a strong C average in high school which made the transition to junior college a smooth path.
        Vince: Hang on. You're telling me you went to college?
        Mike: Two full years and a mandatory summer season.
        Vince: That was 8th grade for me. Geometry made me its bitch.

      • Vince: I can tell you what my weak areas are: processing dairy and taking tests. And they both turn my bowels into an ass canon.

      • Carl: We all know women are notorious blabbermouths.
        Mike: I hate to say it, but it is kinda true, isn't it?
        Carl: I tell my grandma one secret and the next thing you know everybody in church is peeking around to see if I'm really going commando underneath my choir robe.
        Mike: You actually do that?
        Carl: If they spent money on air conditioning instead of that stupid youth bus, I wouldn't have to be swinging low one while I'm singing "Sweet Chariot."

      • Vince: My glutes are still vibrating from that yoga class. You could shake up a martini in my crack.

      • (Vince and Joyce are doing yoga together)
        Vince: If I get any more limber, I won't need you anymore.
        Joyce: Hey cowboy, if you can do it-do it. That cuts my workload in half.

      • Vince: Just forget it! I'm not good at tests. I've never been good at tests. I get nervous, I can't focus, I get fidgety...
        Mike: ADD?
        Vince: Hey, I can add!

      • Molly: Ooh, something smells good in here.
        Victoria: I'm tryin' a new brownie recipe. The secret is 'less brownie, more pot'.
        Molly: Don't burn it like the last batch - it was second hand high for a week.

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