Mike & Molly Season 1 Episode 22

Vince: I can tell you what my weak areas are: processing dairy and taking tests. And they both turn my bowels into an ass canon.

Carl: We all know women are notorious blabbermouths.
Mike: I hate to say it, but it is kinda true, isn't it?
Carl: I tell my grandma one secret and the next thing you know everybody in church is peeking around to see if I'm really going commando underneath my choir robe.
Mike: You actually do that?
Carl: If they spent money on air conditioning instead of that stupid youth bus, I wouldn't have to be swinging low one while I'm singing "Sweet Chariot."

Vince: My glutes are still vibrating from that yoga class. You could shake up a martini in my crack.

(Vince and Joyce are doing yoga together)
Vince: If I get any more limber, I won't need you anymore.
Joyce: Hey cowboy, if you can do it-do it. That cuts my workload in half.

Vince: Just forget it! I'm not good at tests. I've never been good at tests. I get nervous, I can't focus, I get fidgety...
Mike: ADD?
Vince: Hey, I can add!