Mike: (to Carl) Well, you can't stay at our house.
Carl: Well, fine. I got plenty of places I can go. (to Samuel) Hey, Samuel, my man.
Samuel: I live in an efficiency apartment with five roommates. Three of us share a pull-out couch, two sleep on a yoga mat and one sleeps in the bathtub.
Carl: So under the kitchen table is up for grabs?
Samuel: If we had a kitchen table, we could bring in another renter.
Carl: (to Mike) Damn, that man needs to get his own place.
Carl: It's dangerous, you living alone. Like that time you got heat exhaustion mowing the lawn.
Grandma: Told you I was fine.
Carl: You were fine because I was there to spray you down with the garden hose.
Grandma: I was napping, fool. I woke up thinking I was back in Selma getting fire-hosed by the police.
Mike: What are you watching?
Vince: Food Network. This must be like porn for you.
Joyce: Oh, I do love my glass of wine at the end of the day. It's almost as good as the one at the beginning of the day.
Grandma: I got woken up at 4:00 in the a.m. by some drunk Russian girl thinking my bedroom was the commode.
Mike: Ah, Carl brought home another one, huh?
Grandma: Each one nastier than the last. The boy always did pick low-hanging fruit, but this one was a road apple.
Mike: Yeah, I get his morning-after recap every day, whether I want it or not.
Grandma: Since Christina broke up with him, the boy don't care where he sticks his business. I'm afraid to keep Swiss cheese in the house.
Mike: I'm sure he'll slow down eventually. But I wouldn't be serving him any onion rings either.
Grandma: The boy is working my last nerve. This Ruskie jezebel left cigarette butts in my toilet, and drank all my cognac. Damn Commies think everything belongs to everybody.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #403.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: January 14, 2013 on CTV 2