Molly: Mom, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in class?
Joyce: Eh, I had to get out of there. The professor had a ponytail and open-toed shoes. The only thing missing was a sign on his forehead that said "douche."
Mike: Look, there are plenty of other guys out there that are smarter and better-looking than both of us.
Vince: I already got the belt loop around my neck. Go ahead, kick out the chair.
Mike: Look, the point being, for whatever reason, these smart, beautiful women chose us. And that begs the question... are they really that smart?
Vince: You know what those college campuses are like: Reefer-filled coffeehouses, beatniks and free love.
Mike: Well, I'm hoping President Eisenhower cleans up the whole mess.
Mike: Hey, I still have my trombone from high school and I always wanted to form my own Dixieland band.
Carl: Well, to that idea, may I just say, "No, Susanna."
Molly: I found a bunch of my mom's old sketch pads.
Mike: Wow, I thought her only talent was opening a bottle of wine with a chopstick and a pair of pliers.
Molly: Well... she could do lots of stuff. As you know, she can put her ankles behind her head.
Mike: Yeah, she showed me the second time I met her. I kept saying, "I believe you, I believe you," but she already had her shoes off.
Molly: Yeah, I remember. That's why we can't go back to that Olive Garden.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Cards #413 and #231.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: April 29, 2013 on CTV