Vince: Please don't tell me you're here to grovel because I've got to take a pee and I don't want to miss that.
Harry: I think if you were nicer your hair would have stayed with you.
Victoria: Listen Molly, god gave me a big heart and an amazing set of honkers, and I will not apologize for that.
Molly: You know how you are with guys and those guys' friends, and those guys' friends' cousins.
Victoria: Little early in the day to call a gal a whore, isn't it?
Mike: Anyway, by the end of the night Betsy had slow danced or dry humped the quarterback, the fullback, pretty much anybody with a varsity letter and an erection.
Molly: (sympathizing) Honey.
Mike: Yeah, apparently I was the warmup-back for the entire team. And while they were enjoying the fruits of my labor, I was in the parking lot splitting a Meat Lovers' pizza with the fat tuba player from the marching band.
Molly: Yeah, I've got a similar story - mine ends with me splitting a bag of White Castle hamburgers with a very grabby equipment manager. He is a She now. (takes a drink and clinks with Mike) I buy my Mary Kay products from her.
Mike: Just watch out Harry; you've been doing real good on your diet and you don't want to end up brokenhearted and only leaving the house to chase down an ice cream truck.
Harry: Oh, I've never been that bad. Besides, if you lay down on the road, they have to stop.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #379.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: February 27, 2012 on CTV 2
Czech Republic: February 1, 2013 on SMICHOV
Turkey: August 1, 2013 on CNBC-e