Mike & Molly Season 3 Episode 16

Murphy: Biggs, is it just my imagination, or do you have your rather sizeable undies in a twist?

Joyce: (to Vince) Look at my little college girl. She's been hitting the books all night.
Victoria: It's either that, or sleep with my professor. And I don't want to play that card until finals week.
Joyce: She gets those smarts from me.

Mike: I hate to think she's letting some guy push her around.
Molly: Mike, the only way somebody's gonna push your mother around is if she's strapped to a gurney wearing a Hannibal Lecter mask.

Samuel: I remember the day my family left my childhood home. It was heartbreaking.
Mike: Did your dad sell it?
Samuel: No. Rebel soldiers took it over and turned it into a brothel.
Carl: Well, at least you could still visit it.
Samuel: Yes, for 40 Senegalese francs, I can catch gonorrhea in my old bedroom.