Peggy: You ever been to Arizona? It's just a furnace full of drunk Indians.
Captain Murphy: Did you use my Mother's recipe?
Peggy: I'll wear her tacky jewelry but I won't have her giving me cooking lessons from the grave.
Peggy: Squeeze one out before I freeze my keister off. And remember it's just poop, you're not burying King Tut.
Murphy: Biggs, is it just my imagination, or do you have your rather sizeable undies in a twist?
Joyce: (to Vince) Look at my little college girl. She's been hitting the books all night.
Victoria: It's either that, or sleep with my professor. And I don't want to play that card until finals week.
Joyce: She gets those smarts from me.
Mike: I hate to think she's letting some guy push her around.
Molly: Mike, the only way somebody's gonna push your mother around is if she's strapped to a gurney wearing a Hannibal Lecter mask.
Samuel: I remember the day my family left my childhood home. It was heartbreaking.
Mike: Did your dad sell it?
Samuel: No. Rebel soldiers took it over and turned it into a brothel.
Carl: Well, at least you could still visit it.
Samuel: Yes, for 40 Senegalese francs, I can catch gonorrhea in my old bedroom.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #409.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: February 25, 2013 on CTV