Joyce: (to Peggy) Perfectly natural for you to be nervous. After Molly's dad died I waited almost three years before I went out with another man.
Molly: Did you ever get lonely?
Joyce: Lonely - no. Horny - yes. There's a reason you girls ate nothing but banana bread for three years. I liked working with bananas.
Peggy: For the record - I'm not one of those people you have to open up to. Less is more in my book.
Joyce: I'm sure your gentleman friend will be glad to hear that.

Molly: (to Mike about Peggy's strange behavior) I'm telling you, something smells rotten here and it is not just Jim's Bargain Chow butt bombs.

Molly: Do you like this man?
Peggy: Eh, he's all right, I guess. He is a widower, which means he hangs in there until they tag and bag him - you've got to admire that.

Carl: But I do know you don't want your mother telling Molly about all the twisted things you did as a kid.
Mike: I was a pretty normal kid, I didn't do anything twisted.
Carl: A-ha. So you never cut out the mouth out of a Playboy centerfold and had your dog stick its tongue through it so it looked like the girl was talking to you?
Mike: No. Who would do something like that?
Carl: Doesn't matter. But trust me, women get pretty freaked out when they hear your grandma tell that story.