Carlos: Hmm, this Chihuahua carrying, sex tape making, party hopping bitch in training is about to hear something she's probably never heard before: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Carlos: How many of you live in big cities, where you're not getting to work on time? Why? Because you're not driving in the carpool lane. Driving in the carpool lane, $300 fine, Julio in your car, $20.
Carlos: Put Mexicans at the border and say, okay, you can live here, but you have to patrol the border, and for every guy you let in, the guy who let him in has to leave. It will be like "Hey!"
"Sorry, no more. You cannot come in, so go."
"But you are my cousin!"
"No, I look like your cousin, but I am not, so go. And tell my aunt I said hi."
"You are really not going to let me in?"
"No, that's right, I am not."
"Well I just want to tell you...your hair is very silky smooth."
"But my eyes are on fire!"
Carlos: PETA is out there saying things like "Why do we put make-up on these poor animals? They can't even talk." And they're right, animals can't talk... but Julio can. Try this shampoo on "Oh shit, my eyes are on fire. But my hair is very silky smooth!"