Ed: I was reading about Abraham Lincoln. Gee Wilbur, I'd sure love to be like him.
Wilbur: You tried growing a beard?
Ed: Oh, what's the use? My whiskers grow on the wrong end.
Wilbur: (Kay says they have to return the cockatoo because of Addison's animal phobia) Okay, I'll get you something else. What would you like?
Kay: A man-eating lion - and I've got just the man for him!
Wilbur: (discussing Addison's animal phobia with Kay) Maybe, when he was a kid his teddy bear bit him!
Kay: He says that all animals are treacherous.
Wilbur: He really believes that?
Kay: He won't even turn his back on a piggy bank.
Claudia the cockatoo: Addison's a cheapskate, Addison's a cheapskate!
Wilbur: Why did you teach her that?
Ed: I want the kid to know what she's up against.