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Continuity error: When Alex and Gloria are at lunch discussing what Gloria usually does with her girlfriends, she's gesturing with a piece of bread with the corner torn off. But when the camera angle changes the bread slice is whole.
Alex: (to Gloria) I'm not pretty like Haley and you.
Gloria: That's ridiculous! You're beautiful!
Alex: I'm not. But that's okay. I'm the smart one.
Gloria: Hmm... the cute busboy doesn't know that you're smart.
Gloria: He's been smiling at you every time he comes to the table.
Alex: He does not!
Gloria: Why do you think we are the only people with bread?
Gloria: I always wanted a daughter, to dress her up in pretty dresses, do her hair, her nails, her make up (laughs). No one knows this but for the first year of his life, I made up Manny like a girl and told everybody that he was my daughter (laughs). Ah, but just for a few times, I didn't want to mess with his head. When he found the pictures I told him it was his twin sister who died (Jay looks shocked).
Manny: Those cookies smell like heaven. Your own recipe?
Claire: No, I just throw 'em in the oven.
Manny: And added the secret ingredient of caring?
Claire: Sure. So, you and Luke having a good time?
Manny: I don't know. He won't come out of his box. Maybe I'll just stay here and spend some time with my sister.
Claire: Oh, right, I guess technically I would be your stepsister.
Manny: My mother says we are never to use the word "step" because it means "not real." And we are a real family. (Pauses) So, what is the matter Claire?
Manny: You seem sad.
Claire: It's just…stuff with Alex. You know, kids stuff.
Manny: Ugh, kids, you don't have to tell me. My school is full of them.
Cameron: (Returning with quantity-sized products) Oh, hey. I got the toothpaste and the soap.
Mitchell: Well, good. Now we can open that general store. I thought we were just here to get diapers.
Cameron: We had a saying on the farm, as long as you're brining the mule to the market, you-- (Mitchell rolls his eyes) I feel you rolling your eyes at me.
Gloria: Alex, why don't you come shopping with me? Maybe I can help you find something that you like.
Claire: That's a really nice offer, but that's not really her thing.
Alex: Actually, I'd love to go. See, you don't know what my thing is. You have no idea what my thing is.
Claire: I know what your thing is. Your thing is to provoke, just like your sister's thing is to never come out of her room, and your brother's thing (Notices Luke outside without his pants on) uh, well there's your brother's thing. (To Luke from the window) Luke, put 'em on!
Phil: The thing about me and Jay is our relationship has always been stuck in that primal place where it started. You know, he's the old silverback protecting his females. Then along comes this younger, stronger gorilla, swinging in, beating his chest, you know. Naturally, the ape ladies come running, presenting their nice scarlet behinds. Papa ape wants to stop all that, but he can't, you know. That's -- that's life. I'm not the enemy. (pauses) The enemy is poachers.
(Phil tries to bond with Dylan while watching baseball)
Phil: Okay, see that guy? He's the tying run. Interesting story about him. He's been stuck on second base forever, and I'm pretty sure he's gonna try and steal third, which is just a terrible, terrible idea. How are you and Haley doing?
Phil: Jay and I are buds, for sure, but with kind of um, an invisible, asterix. Um, he's not the, he's not a talker, or, or hugger. Once he ran over my foot with his car. To-to be fair he had just given up smoking, but b-basically we're buds.
Alex: (About her clothes) Okay, mom, what about this?
Claire: No, you're wearing a dress.
Alex: Mom, come on!
Claire: What? It's going to kill you to look like a girl for one afternoon?
Alex: But it's a wedding for some friend of yours I've never even heard of.
Claire: It's nonnegotiable. You can borrow a dress of Haley's again.
Alex: No, that sends an ugly message…that I'm Haley. You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, why don't you worry about getting Luke to wear some pants?
Claire: What? (Sees Luke without his pants) Why does he do this? (To Luke) Luke! Pants! Come on!
Phil: (About Dylan) He's a little jumpy.
Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about?I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?
Mitchell: (In the car with Cameron) Wait, wait, wait, w-what are you doing?
Cameron: Uh, we're just going to buy some diapers. It'll just take a second.
Mitchell: This is Costco.
Cameron: Yeah, which is where we buy diapers.
Mitchell: Since when?
Cameron: Do you remember when we adopted that baby, a few months back? Since then.
(Mitchell and Cameron at home with their one-on-one with the camera)
Cameron: Mitchell is a snob.
Mitchell: No, n-no, I'm discerning.
Cameron: Official slogan for snobs. When we first met he wouldn't even look at me because I was a hick from the farm in Missouri and he's a big city mouse.
Mitchell: Who says city mouse?
Cameron: Country mice.
(Jay and Gloria at home with their one-on-one with the camera)
Gloria: Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies like hiking in the desert, that kind of skiing where they drop you from the…how do you say in Ingles? (Makes helicopter sounds)
Gloria: Yes. Once on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator.
Jay: Wrestle, you wrestle…you can't box with alligators.
Gloria: You sure?
Jay: How would they get the gloves on their little claws?
Gloria: Aren't they like tiny little hands?
Jay: No! Okay, now I forgot what we were talking about.
Gloria: Anyways, hobbies are important for the men. Whether you're risking your life, or flying little planes from a safe distance.
Manny: I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes.
Jay: These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models and they're very complicated. You wanna fly one of these, you gotta be familiar with airfoil, drag, lift, and thrust, and these are all principles of aerodynamics.
Manny: The box says twelve and up.
Gloria: You can fly toy planes with Jay next time. Today you have to spend time with Luke.
Gloria: Because his mother invited you, so you go. Family needs to be close, right Jay?
Jay: (About the model airplane's age range) I'm pretty sure this is a typo.
Gloria: I was thinking after lunch we can go and do a little shopping.
Alex: I'm not getting a dress.
Gloria: I don't care, I'm not your mother.
Alex: I know. You're my grandmother.
Gloria: Step-grandmother. Anyways, today think of me as a girlfriend. Two girls out for an afternoon of fun.
Alex: What do you usually do with your girlfriends?
Gloria: I don't know. We go out, we talk, drink wine.
Alex: Can I drink wine?
Alex: Some friend.
Gloria: Well, you can still talk to me about anything.
Alex: Yeah, adults always say that, but they don't mean it. When my mom says I can ask her anything…I really can't. She just freaks out.
Gloria: I won't freak out. Shoot.
Alex: Okay. How many men have you slept with?
Gloria: Eight. Next.
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: October 7, 2009 on Citytv
United Kingdom: October 29, 2009 on Sky1/Sky1 HD
Czech Republic: April 28, 2010 on HBO Comedy
Sweden: April 30, 2010 on TV4
Australia: June 1, 2010 on Channel Ten
Latin America: August 24, 2010 on FOX
India: November 10, 2010 on Star World
Finland: April 21, 2011 on MTV3
Slovakia: January 19, 2013 on JOJ Plus
The title of this episode was originally "Changes."
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