Mitchell: (re: putting pepper in Lily's mouth) Relax. It's a seasoning.
Cameron: Well, then, why don't you try some?
(they fight as Cameron tries to insert pepper into Mitchell's mouth. When he does, Mitchell bites him).
Cameron: Ow, you bit me!
Mitchell: Well... why don't you sing me a song about it?
Cameron: (reacting to what Mommy Forum suggests) I am not hiring some hobo to come over and traumatize my child. She's already prone to flashbacks if you know what I mean.
Mitchell: Kay, you know she didn't fight in Vietnam, right?
Mitchell: (reading from the Mommy Forum to figure out what to do about Lily's biting) Well, this one says "when my daughter bit her brother, I put a pinch of pepper in her mouth. She cried and cried but she never bit again. Smiley face."
Cameron: Oh, well the smiley face makes it okay. I water-boarded our toddler. LOL.
Cameron: (referring to how Lily learned her to bite people) Well, I'm not the one who uses my teeth as a multi-tool.
Mitchell: Here we go. Cookies for Lily (rips the bag open with his teeth) and wine for us (pops the cork with his teeth) .
Cameron: (in reference to Lily and Mitchell) Oh, wow. I have a daughter who bites and a partner who stings.
Luke: Here's something I didn't know about mannequins. They don't have a weiner.
Manny: (clearly referring to the pocket square) What the heck is that?
Phil: (thinking he was referring to "weiner") It's a nicer word for "penis."
Cameron: (to Mitchell, re: Lily) She bit me!
Mitchell: Are you serious?
Cameron: Oh, ow! She did it again. It's like Twilight back here.
Claire: So, the kids are gonna be here in two hours, so... (claps) Everybody back to work!
Gloria: (claps) Everybody back to work!
Claire: I just said that.
Gloria: And I just co-said it.
Jay: (to Manny and Luke) Boys, here's the only thing you need to know about being a man. Never let someone take what is yours.
Phil: Unless it's just a parking spot and there's plenty of others.
Jay: That's sweet, Phil. You gotta write that down. You got any lipstick in your purse?
Phil: (to Manny and Luke) I want you to know there's more to being a man than just shopping for fancy outfits.
Jay: Yeah, pretty soon, you get some on your chest... you start answering the phone, people don't think you're ladies.
Claire: Hey, Mitch. Where are you?
Mitchell: Oh, we're at the park. You would not believe how some of these people dress their kids. Lily's friend just pulled a Britney Spears getting out of a sandbox car.
Claire: So, Dad's on the line...
Gloria: (picking up something she thinks is a pocket squarel) Ay, look. This might work
Manny: Well, except that's it turquoise. Oh. And a bra.
Gloria: Do you think the kids in my village had pocket squares?
Original International Air Dates:
Canada: December 8, 2010 on Citytv
Australia: January 30, 2010 on Channel Ten
Czech Republic: February 22, 2011 on HBO Comedy
Sweden: October 28, 2011 on TV4
Finland: November 24, 2011 on MTV3
Despite being credited, neither Sarah Hyland (Haley) nor Ariel Winter (Alex) appeared in this episode.
Cameron: It's like "Twilight" back here.
"Twilight" is a popular movie franchise starring Kristen Stewart as Bella Swan and Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. It is also a popular book series.