Modern Family

Season 1 Episode 1

Pilot

23
Aired Wednesday 9:00 PM Sep 23, 2009 on ABC

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  • Quotes

    • Claire: What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun? Deal with this.
      Phil: Buddy, uncool.
      Claire: That's it? No. The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.
      Phil: We were serious about that?
      Claire: Yes, we were, and now you have to follow through.
      Luke: I'm so sorry!
      Claire: Liar. Go.
      Phil: He's got a birthday party.
      Alex: What's more important here, dad?
      Claire: You can shoot him afterwards. He'll be home at 2:00.
      Phil: I can't shoot him at 2:00. I'm showing a house at 2:00.
      Alex: What about 3:00?
      Claire: No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00, and then-- Oh, we got to leave for that dinner thing at 5:00.
      4:15. We could shoot him at 4:15.
      Phil: Yeah, I guess that works for me. (Claire writes "Shoot Luke" on schedule. Luke groans.) Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.

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