Monk

Mrs. Willis: (to Natalie) We had a mystery weekend [last year], and we hired some actors who were going to act out a little murder. Monk: I'm really, really sorry. Mrs. Willis: It was supposed to be for three days, and everybody paid in advance for three days. And Adrian solved the case in, what was it, twelve minutes?

Mrs. Willis: Adrian, you don't drink, do you? Monk: Mmm, no. Mrs. Willis: Oh, good. Perfect.

Monk: (to the invisible Trudy) Thank you for marrying me. What were you thinking?

Larry Zwibell: (to Monk) I'm bilingual. My mother was Venezuelan. That means I can make an ass of myself in two languages.

Larry: Hey, are you all right? Monk: I'm not much of a drinker. Larry: How much have you had? (Monk holds up one finger.) One bottle? Monk: One sip.

Monk: Hold still. Ready? Smile! Wait. Let's stand oldest to youngest. So that would be you, then you, then you. . . . Ricardo: Mr. Monk, I will take the picture.

Monk: You said we had to believe each other. You said that was the rule. Natalie: That's true. That's true.

Dr. Sobel: Does (Monk) handle stress well? Natalie: No. He handles stress unwell.

Wine Expert: What are you drinking? Monk: Uh, it's, uh, the Sierra Springs. Wine Expert: How is it? Monk: It's exquisite.

Natalie: You had two sips. That's like ten shots for a normal person. Monk: Thank you.

Wine Expert: Wine stomping. It's a tradition that goes back thousands of years to the Greeks. We're one of the last wineries in California that at least makes some of their wines using this method. Monk: Oh, my God. People actually drink that? Natalie: Yeah, I think so. Monk: Are they insane? Ask her if they're insane.

Monk: I've been drinking that wine for fifteen years. It's foot wine! I can taste it. Natalie: Oh, no. Come on. You cannot taste it. Monk: I... I... I... can. I can taste the feet now. And the toes. And what's between the toes. Al Nicoletto: And the fungus. It really is barbaric.

Monk: Can you break into his car? Natalie: Can I break into his car? (pause) Yes, I can.

Disher: Captain, you have got to see this. Monk's in there doing one of his summation things. He's wasted.

Monk: Captain! Ladies and gentlemen, Leland Stottlemeyer, homicide! Show them your badge. Show it. Show it. Show it! I solved the case.

Monk: We're gonna need a big old paddy wagon. Do they still have paddy wagons?

Monk: Captain. Cappy. You made it! I love ya. Stottlemeyer: I love you, too, Monk.