Monk

Monk: Well, these two bruises - 10 inches apart. There's another set of bruises exactly 10 inches apart. Stottlemeyer: Yeah! What caused that? Monk: Well it must be something 10 inches apart. Stottlemeyer: Thanks a lot.

Stottlemeyer: Randy, you're no good to me like this. Go to a dentist. Disher: I have an appointment. Saturday. Stottlemeyer: Oh, I get it. You don't want to use up your sick days. You're saving your sick days for when you're not feeling sick, is that it? (pause) Let me go talk to Monk. You make me want to talk to Monk.

Natalie: (to Disher) Sweetie, it's okay to cry. It means you have a heart.

Natalie: If anyone says anything, we'll say that-- Disher: My tooth hurts. Natalie: Yeah. Perfect. You have a toothache. Disher: Oh, God, God, this hurts! Natalie: I think you're overdoing it.

Stottlemeyer: You saw it? Disher: Sort of. I was sedated. Stottlemeyer: You were sedated? Randy, one time I was under anesthesia. I thought my mustache was a chipmunk. Detective Patterson: I was the Green Lantern once. It was great. I didn't want to wake up.

Disher: It was as real as you are right now, standing in front of me. Monk: I'm not standing.

Natalie: This is Randy we're talking about. He'd do anything for you. Monk: And I'd do anything for him. Except this, Natalie. I can't do it. I have a thing about dentists. Natalie: You have a thing about everything. Monk: That's true. But dentists are in a separate category altogether. Okay? I can't even discuss it. I can't even think about discussing it. I can't even talk about thinking about discussing it.

Monk: (to Natalie) I don't get cavities. I brush my teeth twelve times a day and I floss every ninety minutes.

Monk: What's that? Little Boy: It's a drill. Monk: Don't be afraid. Little Boy: I'm not afraid. Monk: Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid.

Monk: (referring to a wall chart showing gum disease and rotten teeth) I'm pretty sure this is how the Nazis decorated their bunkers.

Dr. Bloom: (offering his hand for Monk to shake) The Adrian Monk? The detective? It's a pleasure to meet you. Monk: (cringing) Unh! Unh! Dr. Bloom: Apparently, the pleasure's all mine.

Monk: (to Stottlemeyer) I wasn't really on my game. I have this thing about dentists. Kroger calls it a supermegaphobia. If germs are here and snakes are here, dentists are--You see that branch up there, the second one from the top? The one above that one.

Stottlemeyer: Monk, cut it out. I mean it. This is a floss-free zone.

Natalie: You miss him. I can tell. Stottlemeyer: Look, Natalie, it's not like we were going steady, okay? We worked together. He was just another cop. Natalie: That is not true! Stottlemeyer: You're right. It's not true. He's not just another cop. He was the single most annoying human being to ever wear a badge. (Monk walks by, gargling.) Present company excepted.

Stottlemeyer: I thought you'd like to come along. Disher: Why? You know, I'm not a cop anymore, Leland. Captain. Look. It's my notebook. No more witness statements. Just lyrics and song ideas now. Stottlemeyer: You're writing songs? Disher: Yeah, I wrote seventeen last night. I'm on fire. Stottlemeyer: I'm sure you are.

Disher: (to Stottlemeyer) I should warn you. You might not like what you hear. It's pretty powerful stuff. You might not be able to handle it.