Pepperpot #1: Perhaps it comes from next door!
Pepperpot #2: Penguins don't come from next door! They come from the Antarctic!
Pepperpot #1: Burma!
Pepperpot #2: (after a pause) Why did you say 'Burma?'
Pepperpot #1: I panicked.
Fourth Bruce: Well gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules. Rule one, no poofters. Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there's anyone looking. Rule three, no poofters. Rule four, I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights-out. Rule five, no poofters. Rule six, there is *no* rule six. Rule seven, no poofters.
Pepperpot #1: What's on the television, then?
Pepperpot #2: Looks like a penguin.
Pepperpot #1: No, no! Not what's on the set, I mean what program?
Bruces (standing): Australia! Australia! Australia! Australia! We love you! Amen!
How To Recognise Different Parts of the Body
1. The foot
2. The shoulder
3. The other foot
4. The bridge of the nose
5. The naughty bits
6. Just above the elbow
7. Two inches to the right of a very naughty bit indeed
8. The kneecap
9. The ear
10. The big toe
11. More naughty bits
12. The naughty bits of a lady
13. The naughty bits of a horse
14. The naughty bits of an ant
15. The naughty bits of Reginald Maudling
16. The hand
17. The top of the head
18. The feather (rare)
19. The nose
20. The armpit
21. The bottom two thirds of the nape of the neck
22. The nipple
23. The shin
24. Reginald Maudling's shin
25. The brain
26. Margaret Thatcher's brain
27. More naughty bits
28. The naughty bits of the Cabinet
29. The interior of a country house
31. The end
Host: With me now is Norman St. John Polevaulter, who for the last few years has been contradicting people. St. John Polevaulter, why do you contradict people?
Polevaulter: I don't!
Host: But you... you told me that you did.
Polevaulter: I most certainly did not!
Host: Oh. I see. I'll start again.
Polevaulter: No you won't!
Host: Ssh! I understand you don't contradict people.
Polevaulter: Yes I do!
Host: And when didn't you start contradicting them?
Polevaulter: I did! In 1952!
Host: 23 years ago.