Monty Python's Flying Circus

Season 2 Episode 6

It's a Living (aka School Prizes)

2
Aired Unknown Nov 03, 1970 on BBC

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  • Quotes

    • Nigel: Er, excuse me, I want to get married.
      Henry the Registrar: I'm afraid I'm already married, sir.
      Nigel: Er, no, no. I just want to get married.
      Henry the Registrar: I could get a divorce, I suppose, but it'll be a bit of a wrench.
      Nigel: Er, no, no. That wouldn't be necessary because...
      Henry the Registrar: You see, would you come to my place or should I have to come to yours, because I've just got a big mortgage.
      Nigel: No, no, I want to get married here.
      Henry the Registrar: Oh dear. I had my heart set on a church wedding.
      Nigel: Look, I just want you to marry me... to...
      Henry the Registrar: I want to marry you too sir, but it's not as simple as that. You sure you want to get married?
      Nigel: Yes. I want to get married very quickly.
      Henry the Registrar: Suits me, sir. Suits me.
      Nigel: I don't want to marry you!
      Henry the Registrar: There is such a thing as breach of promise, sir.
      Nigel: Look, I just want you to act as registrar and marry me.
      Henry the Registrar: I will marry you sir, but please make up your mind. Please don't trifle with my affections.
      Nigel: I'm sorry, but...
      Henry the Registrar: That's all right, sir. I forgive you. Lovers' tiff. But you're not the first person to ask me today. I've turned down several people already.
      Nigel: Look, I'm already engaged.
      Henry the Registrar: (agreeing and thinking) Yes, and I'm already married. Still we'll get round it.
      Second Man: (entering) Good morning. I want to get married.
      Henry the Registrar: I'm afraid I'm already marrying this gentleman, sir.
      Second Man: Well, can I get married after him?
      Henry the Registrar: Well, divorce isn't as quick as that, sir. Still, if you're keen.
      Third Man: (entering) I want to get married, please.
      Henry the Registrar: Heavens, it's my lucky day, isn't it. All right, but you'll have to wait until I've married these two, sir.
      Third Man: What, those two getting married... Nigel! What are you doing marrying him?
      Henry the Registrar: He's marrying me first, sir.
      Third Man: He's engaged to me!
      Fourth Man: Come on, Henry.
      Henry the Registrar: Blimey, the wife.
      Second Man: Will you marry me?
      Fourth Man: I'm already married.
      Narrator: Well, things turned out all right in the end, but you musn't ask how 'cos it's naughty. They're all married and living quite well in a council estate near Dulwich.

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