Monty Python's Flying Circus

Season 3 Episode 3

The Money Programme

0
Aired Unknown Nov 02, 1972 on BBC
9.1
out of 10
User Rating
27 votes
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Episode Summary

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The Money Programme features a look at money `lots of it, on film and in the studio', song: The Money Song; credits; Erizabeth L: Episode Thlee: The Almada, a drama directed by Slit-Eyes Yakamoto with all actors on mopeds; Inspector Leopard of the Yard exposes phony director; animation- cops and robbers; `One dead unjugged rabbit-fish later', church police; animation- bouncing ball chases man in jungle; jungle explorers find a smashing little restaurant; violent ending of last sketch replaced by a repeat of Ken Russell's Gardening Club (1958); explorers discover lost city of Rayarama, explorer's club, explorers find a film crew filming them, Inspector Baboon strikes again; credits; BBC1 another six minutes of Monty Python; The Argument Clinic, Inspectors Fox arrests everyone, interrupted by Inspector Thompson's Gazelle; BBC-1 one more minute of Monty Python.moreless

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SUBMIT REVIEW
    John Cleese

    John Cleese

    Various Characters [ series 1 - 3, Deutsche shows & features ]

    Eric Idle

    Eric Idle

    Various Characters

    Graham Chapman

    Graham Chapman

    Various Characters

    Terry Jones

    Terry Jones

    Various Characters

    Terry Gilliam

    Terry Gilliam

    Various Characters

    Michael Palin

    Michael Palin

    Various Characters

    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

    FILTER BY TYPE

    • TRIVIA (1)

      • A boom mike is visible during the Erizabeth sketch. On the other hand, since it's a sketch about shooting a film, it might be deliberate.

    • QUOTES (1)

      • A man walks into an office.
        Man: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
        Receptionist: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
        Man: No, this is my first time.
        Receptionist: I see. Well, do you want to have the full argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
        Man: Well, what would be the cost?
        Receptionist: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
        Man: Well, I think it's probably best if I start with the one and then see how it goes from there, okay?
        Receptionist: Fine. I'll see who's free at the moment. Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory. Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
        Man: Thank you. (Walks down the hall and opens a door.)
        Angry man: WHADDAYOU WANT?
        Man: Well, I was told outside that...
        Angry man: DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!
        Man: What?
        Angry man: SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PERVERT!!!
        Man: Yes, but I came here for an argument!!
        Angry man: OH! Oh! I'm sorry! This is abuse!
        Man: Oh! Oh I see!
        Angry man: Aha! No, you want room 12A, next door.
        Man: Oh...Sorry...
        Angry man: Not at all!
        Man: (under his breath) stupid git.
        (The man goes into room 12A. The arguer, Mr. Barnard, is sitting behind a desk.)
        Man: Is this the right room for an argument?
        Mr. Barnard: I've told you once.
        Man: No you haven't!
        Mr. Barnard: Yes I have.
        Man: When?
        Mr. Barnard: Just now.
        Man: No you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Yes I did!
        Man: You didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: I did!
        Man: You didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: I'm telling you, I did!
        Man: You did not!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour?
        Man: Ah! (taking out his wallet and paying) Just the five minutes.
        Mr. Barnard: Just the five minutes. Thank you. Anyway, I did.
        Man: You most certainly did not!
        Mr. Barnard: Now let's get one thing quite clear: I most definitely told you!
        Man: Oh no you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: Oh no you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: Oh no you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: Oh no you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: Oh no you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: Oh no you didn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: No you DIDN'T!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: No you DIDN'T!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: No you DIDN'T!
        Mr. Barnard: Oh yes I did!
        Man: Oh look, this isn't an argument!
        Mr. Barnard: Yes it is!
        Man: No it isn't! It's just contradiction!
        Mr. Barnard: No it isn't!
        Man: It IS!
        Mr. Barnard: It is NOT!
        Man: You just contradicted me!
        Mr. Barnard: No I didn't!
        Man: You DID!
        Mr. Barnard: No no no!
        Man: You did just then!
        Mr. Barnard: Nonsense!
        Man: Oh, this is futile!!
        Mr. Barnard: No it isn't!
        Man: I came here for a good argument!
        Mr. Barnard: No you didn't, you came here for an argument!
        Man: An argument isn't just contradiction.
        Mr. Barnard: Can be!
        Man: No it can't! An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
        Mr. Barnard: No it isn't!
        Man: Yes it is! 'tisn't just contradiction.
        Mr. Barnard: Look, if I *argue* with you, I must take up a contrary position!
        M: Yes but it isn't just saying "no it isn't".
        Mr. Barnard: Yes it is!
        Man: No it isn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Yes it is!
        Man: No it isn't!
        Mr. Barnard: Yes it is!
        Man: No it ISN'T! Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of anything the other person says.
        Mr. Barnard: It is NOT!
        Man: It is!
        Mr. Barnard: Not at all!
        Man: It is!
        (Mr. Barnard hits a bell on his desk and stops.)
        Mr. Barnard: Thank you! Good morning.
        Man: (stunned) What?
        Mr. Barnard: That's it. Good morning.
        Man: I was just getting interested!
        Mr. Barnard: I'm sorry, the five minutes is up.
        Man: That was never five minutes just now!!
        Mr. Barnard: I'm afraid it was.
        Man: No it wasn't.....
        Mr. Barnard: I'm sorry, I'm not allowed to argue any more.
        Man: WHAT??
        Mr. Barnard: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
        Man: But that was never five minutes just now! Oh Come on! This is ridiculous!
        Mr. Barnard: I'm very sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you PAY!
        Man: Oh all right. (takes out his wallet and pays again.) There you are.
        Mr. Barnard: Thank you.
        Man: (clears throat) Well?
        Mr. Barnard: Well WHAT?
        Man: That was never five minutes just now.
        Mr. Barnard: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
        Man: I just paid!
        Mr. Barnard: No you didn't!
        Man: I DID!!!
        Mr. Barnard: YOU didn't!
        Man: I DID!!!
        Mr. Barnard: YOU didn't!
        Man: I DID!!!
        Mr. Barnard: YOU didn't!
        Man: I DID!!!
        Mr. Barnard: YOU didn't!
        Man: I don't want to argue about it!
        Mr. Barnard: Well I'm very sorry but you didn't pay!
        Man: Ah hah! Well if I didn't pay, why are you arguing??? Gotcha!
        Mr. Barnard: No you haven't!
        Man: Yes I have! If you're arguing, I must have paid.
        Mr. Barnard: Not necessarily. I *could* be arguing in my spare time.
        Man: I've had enough of this!
        Mr. Barnard: No you haven't.
        M: Oh shut up! (leaves the office and enters another one) I want to complain.
        Complainer: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
        Man: No, I want to complain about...
        Complainer: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
        Man: Oh!
        Complainer: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
        (Man slams door. Walks down corridor, opens next door.)
        Man: Hello, I want to... (Gets hit on head) Ooooh!
        Spreaders: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go "Waaah". Try it again. (hits him on the head again)
        Man: uuuwwhh!!
        Spreaders: Better, Better, but "Waah", "Waah"! Hold your hands here.
        Man: No.
        Spreaders: Now.. (hits the man on the head again)
        Man: Waaaaah!!!
        Spreaders: Good, Good! That's it.
        Man: Stop hitting me!!
        Spreaders: What?
        Man: Stop hitting me!!
        Spreaders: Stop hitting you?
        Man: Yes!
        Spreaders: Why'd you come here then?
        Man: I wanted to complain.
        Spreaders: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
        Man: What a stupid concept!
        (Detective Inspector Fox enters.)
        Inspector Fox: Right. Hold it there.
        Man and Spreaders: What?
        Inspector Fox: Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Fox of the Light Entertainment Police, Comedy Division, Special Flying Squad.
        Man and Spreaders: Flying Fox of the Yard.
        Inspector Fox: Shut up! (he hits the man with a truncheon)
        Man: Ooooh?
        Spreaders: No, no, no - Waah!
        Inspector Fox: And you. (he hits Spreaders)
        Spreaders: Waah!
        Inspector Fox: He's good! You could learn a thing or two from him. Right now you two me old beauties, you are nicked.
        Man: What for?
        Inspector Fox: I'm charging you under Section 21 of the Strange Sketch Act.
        Man: The what?
        Inspector Fox: You are hereby charged that you did wilfully take part in a strange sketch, that is, a skit, spoof or humorous vignette of an unconventional nature with intent to cause grievous mental confusion to the Great British Public. (to camera) Evening all.
        Spreaders: It's a fair cop.
        Inspector Fox: And you tosh. (hits the man)
        Man: WAAAH!
        Inspector Fox: That's excellent! Right, come on down the Yard.
        (Another inspector arrives.)
        Inspector Gazelle: Hold it. Hold it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Inspector Thompson's Gazelle of the Programme Planning Police, Light Entertainment Division, Special Flying Squad.
        Inspector Fox: Flying Thompson's Gazelle of the Yard!
        Inspector Gazelle: Shut up! (he hits him)
        Inspector Fox: Waaaah!
        Spreaders: He's good.
        Inspector Gazelle: Shut up! (hits Spreaders)
        Spreaders: WAAH!
        Man: Rotten. (he gets hit) WAAAGH!
        Inspector: Good. Now I'm arrestin' this entire show on three counts: one, acts of self-conscious behaviour contrary to the 'Not in front of the children' Act, two, always saying 'It's so and so of the Yard' every time the fuzz arrives and, three, and this is the cruncher, offenses against the 'Getting out of sketches without using a proper punchline' Act, four, namely, simply ending every bleedin' sketch by just having a policeman come in and... wait a minute.
        (Another policeman enters.)
        Policeman: Hold it. (puts his hand on Inspector Thompson's Gazelle's shoulder)
        Inspector: It's a fair cop.
        (A large hairy hand appears through the door and claps him on the shoulder.)
        CAPTION: 'THE END'

    • NOTES (1)

      • Terry Jones subtly uses the first of George Carlin's "Seven Words" while playing the African "film director" in this program. Graham Chapman would later reflect on this episode in describing the Pythons' battles with the BBC: "When executives started to read the scripts, a few little disputes did break out, but by then, we usually had a precedent to point at…They would allow us to say it

    • ALLUSIONS (0)

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