Season 1 Episode 1

No Such Thing As Vampires

Aired Friday 9:00 PM Sep 28, 2007 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
660 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

A string of vampire-like murders have been hitting L.A. It's up to Mick St. John, a private investigator who has special connections, to find out who's behind these murders and stop them from happening again. While he's on the case he meets a woman from his past who's going to change his future.moreless

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  • A internet reporter meets a man in a crime scene not knowing that he is a p.i. and also a vampire.

    this 1st episode was not all that bad as most people really think. i liked how we meet mick and understanding how hot and sensitive he is. and we also get to know his love interest that is beth the reporter. she seemed to really got into likeing mick so quickly. And meeting josef, well he was pretty freaky which for a start is kind of cool. josef was always into sucking peoples blood and he will never stop but unlike josef mick never bit anyone. well atleast when it go to the year 2000. but i already understand that he used to suck peoples neck back in the early 80's which was ok i guess.moreless
  • I havent seen this episode, but i think it i a very nice show. And i have seen one episode and i think it was so F****** nice, but i cant see the fist episode :Smoreless

    Helo where can i see this episode.. ?`

    If eny body knows vere pls tell me... because i love this show but i think it was nr 2 or 3 i was waching last week..

    But toningt 3+ is showing episode 2 but i dont know if io havde seen episode 1 or 2..

    So if eny baody knows vere i can find it teel me.

    send me a letter or somthing..

    Thx for your help-- I love this show mann..

    There is vampires and action.. dahm i think it is a littel bite like Supernatural. but supernatural Rocks. i have seen alle season off supernatural, and thats cool ass hellmoreless
  • a vampire private eye meets someone from his past that is going to compltely change his future.

    i was unsure when i saw the ad for this show but have to admit i loved it! the show gives a different take on vampires new ideas on old myths and this gives it a nice twist on the norm. i am already hooked and straight away i cant wait to see where the relationship between the two main charecters goes. its always good to have a strong background story and this one has a lot of possibilities and i suppose the romance angle is always a winner. i just pray this one lasts every time i get into a show like this it gets axed, like blood ties, i think this show might be even better so fingers crossed.moreless
  • This is going to be one of my favorite shows.

    This is turning out to be a fantastic show. I love Mick St. James as well as Beth. The characters are well written and the dialogue is terrific. I like the way the writers changed a few things about Vampires too. The fact that they can go out in the sunlight but it's draining on them. It allows us to get some daylight into the show, which is nice. I'm really looking forward to seeing how the relationship between Beth and Mick progresses. I just love the tension between them, it's nice and smoldering. I certainly hope the show does well in the ratings ... it would be a shame to have only one season of it. Well Done!!!moreless
  • In the pilot episode we meet two people with a link to the past. Mick St. John, and Beth Turner have met before. when Beth was a four Mick was hired to rescue her, from his vampire ex wife who turned him. But now 22 yrs later Beth is a beautiful woman.moreless

    In No Such Things A Vampires there is a killer on the loose. A killer who appeaers to be a vampire. Now it is up to Beth Turner a T.V. reporter for Buzz Wire on her first on camera report, and Mick St. John a private investigator, who Beth says look so familiar,to discover the truth behind these strange murders! beth and Mick soon discover that they have the habit of bumping into each other in the strangest of places,and that they are investigating the same crime spree from different angles. Then we meet Josef a four hundred year old vampire who doesn't look a day over 25. Mick tells us in voice overs that Josef is one of the oldest vampires in LA., and proof that paranoia never goes out of style. Josef wants the killer to be stopped at all cost, for fear that their secret vampire society will be foundout. Mick just wants to make sure the killer doesn't kill again. Beth just wants to dig up a good story to please her boss who apparently likes sorid details. When it is found out by Beth, that a professor of Anthropology is is a possible suspect, she enrolls in his class, to find out what he is really up to. When the professor finds out that Beth is wearing a wire, things get dangerous for our heroine. Well it's Mick to the rescue in an episode finally that gets my heart going pitter-pat every time I see it. And believe me I have seen it many times. In this episode we see the begining of the conflict that Mick lives with. The conflict as to just how close he should allow he and Beth to get, while fighting his ever growing love for her, and her's for him. And what about his secret, what would Beth do if she found out? For answers to these questions, and others, keep watching Moonlight!moreless
Ali Pomerantz

Ali Pomerantz

Young Beth's Mother

Guest Star

Julie Garibaldi

Julie Garibaldi


Guest Star

Cassia Walton

Cassia Walton

Tortured Woman

Guest Star

Brian J. White

Brian J. White

Lieutenant Carl Davis

Recurring Role

Tami Roman

Tami Roman

Maureen 'Mo' Williams

Recurring Role

Jacob Vargas

Jacob Vargas


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (3)

  • QUOTES (30)

    • Beth: Question. What do you like better? Vampire Slaying Rocks L.A. ...
      Mick: (interrupting her) There's no such thing as vampires!

    • (Steve is pinning a mic onto Beth's bra)
      Beth: You're taking a long time putting that mic on.

    • Mick: Right. Blood cult. So, we're talking vampires?
      Beth: I know ... they don't exist. But something has to explain all the killing and the Goth-o-rama around here, I mean obviously she had a thing for vampires.
      Mick: Yeah, I guess they're back in style. ... You know, some people actually find them attractive?
      Beth: Really?
      Mick: Yeah.

    • Mick: (to Professor Ellis) So, tell me something, professor. Do the salutary effects kick in before or after the sex with your students?

    • Mick: (voice over; about Beth) The last time I held her in my arms she was only a child. Over the years I tried to stay close, just out of sight in case she needed me, and tonight she did.

    • Carl: Come on, threesomes never end well.
      Beth: Huh?
      Carl: Don't ask.

    • Beth: A girl's dead, I'm not letting this go.
      Mick: You're kinda pushy, aren't you?
      Beth: You'll get used to it.

    • Steve: What are we still doing here?
      Beth: Looking for her car.
      Steve: Right, and how do we know she didn't just walk?
      Beth: Nobody walks in L.A.

    • Interviewer: What about daylight?
      Mick: Daylight's not good. Daylight's not good. The longer I'm in the sun the worse I feel.
      Interviewer: But you don't burst into flames?
      Mick: Not if I can help it.
      Interviewer: How do you kill a vampire? Wooden stake I'm guessing?
      Mick: No, a wooden stake won't kill a vampire. Flame thrower will kill a vampire or we can lose our head, I mean literally, other than that we heal.

    • Mick: Hey, and don't forget - I'm your only friend who doesn't like you just for your money.
      Josef: That's true. Sad, but true.

    • Josef: Look. I know you have morals and scruples and that's fine. Sort of. But you are not the man I on occasion pretend to respect if you don't get this under control. I hear you have a soft spot for the mortal ones, a fascination with all the charming things they do while listening to the tick tick tick of their own looming demise. That's fine. That's good. Everyone needs a hobby.

    • Josef: So you're telling me some poser wannabe drinking blood out of a Snoop Dogg chalice is behind this?

    • Josef: It's a reporter from Buzzwire, she started this whole killer vampire thing. A Beth-somebody.
      Mick: Turner.
      Josef: You know her?
      Mick: Yeah, we did some breaking and entering together.
      Josef: Well, you, my friend, must get her to stop.
      Mick: What do you mean? Like she's driving along and suddenly her car explodes?
      Josef: I was thinking you ask her nicely, but fielder's choice.

    • (Josef talking to Mick about his blood drinking)
      Josef: You're fighting a losing battle, my friend. Sooner or later your inner vampire is gonna demand to be fed.

    • The Professor: When most people hear the word vampire, they immediately conjure up an image of some undead monstrosity running around at night trying to drink human blood.
      Mick: (to himself) I hate that.

    • Mick: (voiceover) Somewhere in the city, a killer is on the loose. Josef wants me to hunt him to keep our secret safe. I just want to make sure he doesn't do it again. You don't have to be a vampire to get a taste for blood.

    • Mick: (voiceover) Nine out of ten murders, the killer is someone the victim knew. That's why I wasn't about to miss Kelly Foster's funeral. Too bad funerals always take place during the day.

    • Josef: Would you care for a liquid refreshment?
      Mick: No thank you.
      (a woman walks in and offers her arm to Josef)
      Josef: You sure? She's delicious. 82' was a good year.
      Mick: We went to the Super Bowl in 82' right? Lost a million bucks on Cincinnati that year right?
      Josef: Except for that.

    • (Inside Mick's loft, Josef is on the armchair, foot on the coffee table and glass of blood in his hand)
      Josef: It's about time you got back!
      Mick: Make yourself at home!
      Josef: I did! I poured myself a drink. You seriously drink this stuff? What is it? Like not-fat, soy, vegan blood?

    • (inside the victim's apartment)
      Mick: I'm not gonna hurt you!
      Beth: You're not gonna hurt me? How do I know you're not the killer?
      Mick: Well, because I'm not killing you!
      Beth: Ok, if you're not the killer, and let's go with that because it's comforting, what are you doing here?

    • Journalist: So, you sleep in a coffin?
      Mick: No, that's an old wives' tale, I sleep in a freezer! And while we're on the subject: garlic is tasty on pizza.
      Journalist: Does it repel you?
      Mick: It repels my dates sometimes! Toss holy water on me, I get wet. Crucifixes, okay, if you like that kind of thing. Oh, and I definitely can't turn into a bat. That'd be cool though, wouldn't it?

    • Journalist: So you never bite anybody?
      Mick: No, no...unless they really ask for it.

    • Mick: Being a vampire sucks. It's a bad joke, I know, but it's the truth.

    • Mick: We're on the same side.
      Josef: Sorry. I'm not questioning your loyalties.
      Mick: Yeah, good.
      Josef: Yeah, vampire solidarity. Ra ra ra and all that.

    • Mick: (as he holds Beth) Sixty years is a long time to deny yourself the touch of another, but you do it. Because you just can't bear the thought of seeing yourself as a monster in someone else's eyes.

    • Mick: (about Coraline) Forever is a long time with an ex-wife like mine.

    • Josef: Have you seen the news? This terrible thing in West Hollywood? It's everywhere: "Vampire Slaying Rocks LA".
      Mick: Yeah, it doesn't look good for us.
      Josef: It's a threat to our secrecy. What is this, the 1720's? We're discreet, we don't leave bodies lying around. Now, we have to be extra vigilant. We live in an era of fingerprint scans, DNA tests, genome mapping....
      Mick: Josef, relax!
      Josef: I am relaxed. This is relaxed. You're only 90. You've never been chased by a torch-bearing mob!

    • Beth: We gotta get a shot of the body.
      Steve: The cops won't let anyone get close.
      Beth: I'm not leaving without my money shot. Oh, my god. Did I just say that?
      Steve: Yes.
      Beth: I've become a news whore overnight.
      Steve: Well...not overnight.

    • Mick: Everyone says they're open-minded, everyone tries to accept people who are different from them. But the truth is, people don't react well when they find out that you're undead. And the other thing you've got to deal with? When you live forever, the past always catches up with you.

    • Josef: (watching the news) Vampire experts. Beautiful. Now we got the food mouthing off about the farmer.

  • NOTES (11)

    • International Air Dates:
      Australia: December 12th, 2007 on Channel 10/10HD
      UK: February 19th, 2008, on Living TV
      Denmark: April 5th, 2008 on TV3
      Sweden: May 25th, 2008, on TV3
      Germany: June 23rd, 2008, on Pro7
      Thailand: July 2nd, 2008, on True Series
      The Netherlands: October 12th, 2008 on NET 5
      Norway: December 6th, 2008 on TV3
      Poland: January 2nd, 2009 on TVP1
      Turkey: July 6th, 2009 on CNBC-e
      Finland: May 21st, 2010 on Sub

    • Rudolf Martin played Vlad Tepes in the original movie Dark Prince: The True Story of Dracula.

    • Although she isn't a vampire in this show, Sophia Myles has played a vampire before in the movie, Underworld.

    • Featured Music:
      "My Immortal" by Evanescence

    • Rudolf Martin also appeared as a vampire on Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Season 5 opener, "Buffy vs. Dracula" as the Count, himself. Both he and Buffy's star, Sarah Michelle Gellar appeared together in the daytime soap, All My Children.

    • Over the summer of 2007 Moonlight went through three sets of producers and two entire casts with only the lead man, Alex O'Loughlin, remaining on the show since the beginning.

    • The series has been announced to air on CTV in Canada.

    • After people referred to Moonlight as an Angel rip-off, executive producer Joel Silver pointed out differences in his main character: he sleeps in a freezer, gets blood from a guy who works at a blood bank, doesn't burst into flames in the sun and a stake through the heart won't kill him.

    • David Greenwalt was originally supposed to be show runner and executive producer but he dropped out July 26th for personal health reasons. As of August 2nd Chip Johannessen replaced David Greenwalt.

    • Three of the four show stars were replaced from the first pilot, along with two supporting actors. Shannyn Sossamon replaced Amber Valletta for the role of Coraline, Sophia Myles replaced Shannon Lucio for the role of Beth Turner, Jason Dohring replaced Rade Serbedzija for the role of Josef Kostan, Brian J. White replaced James Black for the role of Lieutenant Carl Davis, and Jacob Vargas replaced Benjamín Benítez for the role of Guillermo.

    • The show was originally called Twilight.


    • Chloe: Christian's a Svengali. He, like, brainwashed Kelly ...

      Svengali refers to a well-known character in George du Maurier's 1894 bestselling fiction novel Trilby. Svengali was a hypnotist who used mind control to train Trilby, the novel's heroine, into a split personality, keeping her vocal talents as well as her affections under his control. Svengali was also transformed into several movies throughout the years. The term has become so well-known that it is included in dictionaries and used as a noun to mean "someone who manipulates or forces another under their control."

    • Josef: You sure? She's delicious. 82' was a good year.

      Jason Dohring was born in 1982.

    • Hearst College:
      Jason Dohring was in the series Veronica Mars in which the character Veronica Mars went to Hearst College.