Moonlighting

(David walks into Maddie's office) David: So! What's the occasion? Maddie: What do you mean? David: I mean, you've been gone for three hours, and you come back looking like an ad for Wally's Wig World. Maddie: I had my hair done. David: Thank God, I thought your head was shrinking. Maddie: Are you through? (David goes to a coat stand and pulls up the cover on a garment bag. Inside is the black evening dress into which Maddie will change for her date. David whistles.) Maddie: Guess not. David: Nice! (Picks up dress.) Maddie: David... David: A little something for knocking around the bordello? Maddie: A store was having a sale. I just needed a-- dinner dress. David: Did you need to get one that was cut down to South America?

(In Maddie's office) David: Okay, maybe there is something wrong. Maybe there is something bothering me. You skipped out of here last night, ranting about getting reckless with a total stranger. Then you show up here, at 11:00. Maybe I was worried about you. I guess it didn't occur to me that I could be worried about you? That just maybe, I'd assume the worst? Maddie: I'm sorry. (Pause) I just stopped and got some groceries last night. Got home early. When I got there, there was a message from an old friend. We got together, stayed up a little late. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. David (heavily): An old friend. Maddie: Yeah! I've known Sam since I was six. (crosses to desk) Promised him some lunch, and I've got a couple of things I want to do. Get back here about 2:30, and get started on this case? (camera over to David as he mulls over her words; Maddie walks to door) David: Yeah, right. Maddie: Bye! (Leaves, closes door.) (Long pause as David sulks) David: Sam!...

(Dave and Bert have set up a camera in a hotel room across from the case subject's hotel. Bert is at the camera, near the window, while Dave stretches out on the bed.) Bert: Okay. Here goes. (Speaks into recorder) Blue Moon Investigations. Field notes of the surveillance on the Johnson case. Investigating agents, D. Addison and H. Viola. Time: 7:35 p.m. Surveilling the Wilshire Arms Hotel. Subjects observed engaged in-- ah-- (Turns to David) I don't quite know how to describe this. David: What do you see? Bert: Lots of lips. Lots of tongues. David: Mutual oral explorations confined to areas about the face. Bert: Wow. (Back to taking pictures and reading notes) Mutual oral explorations confined to areas about the face… Subject A, McLafferty. Caucasian, male. Subject B, unknown female of blonde origin. (Faces David) How old would you estimate she is, Mr. Addison? David: About Maddie's age. Thirty-five. Bert: Subject B, approximately thirty-five… So, the boss lady's chowing down at Chez Brey, uh? I hear that place is very expensive. David (sits up, alarmed): What did you say? Bert: Chez Brey. Agnes made the reservation this afternoon. (Looks back at scene in window, takes pictures) Hi-ho silver! Subject A has just removed Subject B's—uh, uh, what do you call that thing? David: Black evening dress cut down to South America. (View cuts back and forth between Bert by the window, and a very distraught David on the bed) Bert: Subject A has just placed his oral cavity in close proximity to Subject B's upper torso and left clavicle region. Whoa! Smack dab on the mambos! Subject A is carrying Subject B to bed. Mayday! Mayday! Subjects are prone! Subjects are prone! Oh, I hope that's his wife. Have you ever seen two people make love like that before, Mr. Addison? This is, ah, religious! I have never seen two people make love like this before. Have you, Mr. Addison? …Mr. Addison? (Turns to see David has just left the room) Mr. Addison?

David: When was the last time I sent you on a stakeout so that I could go out and get-- Maddie: What and do what? David: Nothing!

David: I'll get you back-- Sam: I know you will.

David: (to Maddie) And when did you change your mind about total strangers?

Maddie (to David): If you don't want to go alone, take someone with you. Take Mr. Viola! Bert (eavesdropping from the next room): Yeah!