Kermit: (sees Clifford flying past him, because Miss Piggy karate-chopped him) Oh, Clifford. Did you get a chance to talk to Michelle Pfeiffer and Miss Piggy? (shrugs) I guess he did.
Waldorf: Nurse, there's something wrong with this TV.
Statler: What's that?
Waldorf: It's on.
(Clifford is convincing the rest of the muppets to feel good about the new show)
Nigel: 10 seconds!
Clifford: Yo yo yo! And no matter what happens, have fun!
Nigel: We're on the air!! We're on the air!!
(as all the muppets are running and screaming everywhere, Clifford takes it calmly, and locks himself in the supply cabinet)
Kermit: Clifford! Clifford! That's the supply cabinet!
Clifford: I know that, it's a nice supply cabinet too. Nice and quiet. Let's cue the announcer, shall we?
Clifford: The only thing that's gonna save us now, Rizzo, is if a world famous super-star walks through that door.
(that door opens on Clifford, knocking him off)
Rizzo: Or that door.
Gonzo: Clifford, your problems are solved, I've got an act thats gonna knock your socks off!
Clifford: Well, put them on, man.
Gonzo: Your socks?
Clifford: No, the act!
Announcer: And now it's time for Muppets Tonight and here's the host of our show - Clifford!
Rizzo: You're on, Clifford!
Clifford: I'm Clifford, your homey made of foamey!
Kermit: So, who want's to volunteer to host this new show?
(all the muppets leave the room except for Clifford, who was talking on his phone)
Clifford: (to the phone) Oh, baby, I love you! You know that!
Kermit: Uh, congratulations, Clifford, you've got your own show.
Clifford: (to the phone) Hold on baby.. (to Kermit) Ma own show? I've always wanted to have my own show. Man, this is great! So when does it start?
Kermit: Oh, in about thirty seconds...
Clifford: (takes it slowly, then uses his phone) I'll call you back, babe (faints)
Gonzo: Here on Monday we have Murphy Prawn and The Single Duck in the City with his Apartment Full of Friends. And for this evening's show right now we have TBA followed by the X-Flies.
Kermit: Excuse me, Gonzo, but TBA means to be announced which means we don't have a show for tonight!
Clifford: Hey, man, have you seen the Dancing Cheeses? I wanna thank them for all their hard work!
Rizzo: Sure! (pats stomach) Thank you, Dancing Cheeses, for all your hard work!
Clifford: Oh man, you ate the cheeses??
Rizzo: Of course I ate the cheese, I'm a rat! They eat cheese! It's the circle of life..
Announcer: Tune in next week, when we bring you 'Elvis of Arabia'.
Elvis: (in the dessert) Dang, it's hot out here.
Clifford's intro: The show that's going to change the face of television, and make it look a little something like this... (one of the Koozbanian dancers pops up, laughs at the audience, and then kisses Clifford before running off stage)
Nigel the director looks a lot like a lighter-colored version of Droop.
Andy and Randy from Muppet Theater appear, but instead of brothers, they're Miss Piggy's nephews.