My Boys

Brendan: Dude, I could totally rock a 'stache. Like Burt Reynolds. Mike: Me too. Kenny: You? More like Debbie Reynolds. Mike: What's that supposed to mean? Kenny: You're a hairless freak. Mike: Whatever. I could totally out-stache you.

Brendan: Wait a minute, why am I agreeing with Mike? Kenny: It doesn't feel right does it?

Mike: We're having a mustache growing contest. Andy: Interesting. So even if you win, you still lose.

Andy: All babies look just like me.

(Insulting each other about their mustaches) Kenny: Shouldn't you be telling the neighbors you're a sex offender? Mike: Shouldn't you be panning for gold circa 1849?

Kenny: I get a lot of attention from the ladies. I mean, mostly them holding their purses tighter or steering their children away from me, but still.

(Mike, Kenny and Brendan knock on Bobby's door) Kenny: Bobby! Bobby: Hey, my best men. Mike: Wedding boy. Brendan: Ready for your big day? Bobby: Yeah, totally. I'm psyched. Mike: Dude, I was up with Maggie last night til four a.m., it was epic. Kenny: What's wrong with you? Mike: What? Kenny: It's his wedding day. He doesn't want to hear about your dirty times. Mike: He may be getting married but he's still a man. Bobby: Yeah, it's okay Mike, I'll take a raincheck on the stories about you sleeping with my mother's friend. Mike: Okay, but cleanup, Mike's room. Bobby: Hey, I got a favor to ask you guys. (Pulls out some letters) These are for Elsa, and I want you to find time today when she's alone and give them to her. Brendan: What's in them? Bobby: Just letting her know I'm thinking about her, and I'm looking forward to being married to her and stuff. Mike: Uh, dude? Stop auditioning, you got the part. Kenny: This is really sweet. Bobby: Don't read them! Just give them to her. Brendan: I'm on it. So, what do we do? Are we going to breakfast? Bobby: Sounds good. Brendan: Last breakfast as a single man! (They all high-five) Last high-five as a single man! Bobby: I doubt it. (They high-five again, then Elsa comes in) Kenny: Hey morning Elsa, Elsa! Wait, isn't it bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding? Elsa: I'm sorry guys, um, I need to talk to Bobby. Mike: Well, we're heading out to breakfast. You're more than welcome to join. Elsa: I meant alone. Mike: Okay. We'll get you a muffin. (The guys, minus Bobby, leave)

(Bobby has just admitted he thinks he is marrying the wrong woman) Jack: Hey, is he okay? P.J.: I don't know. (Runs into the hall after him) Bobby. Dude, what's going on? You just said some things, and you know, you're getting married tomorrow, and... Bobby: Yeah, I don't know, I don't know what I'm saying. You know, I'm not saying anything, I'm just, I'm tired, and I've had a lot to drink, and I need to go to bed. Good night. (He walks off and P.J. walks back to Jack) Jack: What was that about? P.J.: You know, I don't know. Jack: Well, what'd he say? P.J.: Um, I'm not sure. I think he has cold feet. Jack: We Newmans usually get cold feet after the wedding. P.J.: I'm sorry. I'm a little thrown by what just happened. Jack: Why don't you just call it a night? P.J.: Yeah, I think that would be best. And tomorrow's the big day, so... Jack: Yeah, definitely. Okay. P.J.: Okay. (Jack kisses her on the cheek and leaves) P.J.: (Narration) I never really understood where the phrase out of left field came from, but I certainly know what it means. One tiny interrupted conversation can change everything.

Stephanie: Seriously, P.J., it's getting pathetic! P.J.: Or, is it getting romantic? I mean, maybe I'm like one of those characters in one of those Victorian novels, huh? Stephanie: Which one? P.J.: Oh, god, I don't know. One with Keira Knightley?