My Mother the Car

Prudish building owner Henry Heckendorn hires Dave to close the Greek Grotto, a nightclub he claims is indecent. Dave and Barbara go to check out the supposedly racy club and, to avoid being seen by stuffed-shirt Heckendorn, end up masquerading as exotic Greek dancers.

Dave and Barbara are driving the kids to camp before heading off on a second honeymoon. Stopping for gas in the middle of nowhere, a sheriff checks Dave's driver's license and sees that it's expired. Barbara can't drive a stick and Dave can't pass the cop's 1928 driver's test.

Dave's efforts to help an overworked Barbara with the housework causes even more chores. He finally listens to Mother and hires a maid. The efficient woman soon has the home running like clockwork. Barbara, however, is miserable with all the free time and wants the woman fired.

After being smacked by a truck, Mother no longer recognizes her own son. Dave tries everything to cure her amnesia (including screening painfully dull old home movies) before deciding another wreck is the only cure.

After eight years of marriage, Barbara and Dave are finally going on the honeymoon they never had. Barbara's mother, however, is an astrology nut and warns them of trouble if they travel now. When they laugh at her admonition, she begins concocting phony emergencies to keep them at home.

Rather than giving each other lousy Christmas gifts they'll just return to the store, Dave and Barbara agree to each buy their own present. The plan changes after taking a night school art class. Both create hideous artworks and then secretly bid on the other's at an auction.

Dave's pushy mother-in-law visits and is soon in cahoots with Captain Manzini. He proposes replacing the Porter with a brand new station wagon. Mrs. Netwick is all for that, so she goes to work on getting Barbara to sign over the car. If only they could find the registration slip.

For her birthday, Dave agrees to take Mother to a surf movie starring her favorite actor, Sonny Tufts. Going to a drive-in during the dead of winter proves a disruptive idea for the family, Mother, and the other customers trying to watch the movie.

Dave's being interviewed for a judgeship in the domestic relations court. To impress the snobs giving him the once-over, he has the family trained to put on royally pretentious show. Sadly for Dave, he hadn't planned on being caught in a pair of roller skates.

Captain Manzini goads Dave and Mother into a cross-country race between the Porter and a British long-distance walker. With ownership of the car at stake, Manzini employs a plethora of dirty tricks including fake detours, phony train crossings, and flattened tires to insure a win.

Arguments over the wife's horrible cooking has the newlywed couple next door ready to divorce. Dave's efforts to get the couple back together fail and he ends up representing the recent bride in court. The husband's sleazy lawyer brings out the best in Dave in the courtroom.

Dave fails to set the parking break and Mother rolls into an open van bound for a used car lot in Mexico. While a heartbroken Manzini and Crabtree bond in their grief, Mother uses her brains and knowledge of Spanish to get back to the border.

Dave drives the Porter into the mountains to attend a wedding and to meet an important businessman about a job. Due to the cold, he has to fill Mother's radiator with antifreeze. She proceeds to get plowed from the alcohol, making the cops think Dave is driving drunk.

Dave becomes obsessed with protecting Mother when a gang of car strippers goes to work in town. He's so paranoid that he has his family camp out in the garage for the night to keep watch over the Porter.