My Name is Earl

Earl: So you're all churched up now, huh. Good for you. Giving up all that hurting people. Donny Jones: Turn the other cheek now. Earl: And you got a tattoo of the Red Sea to prove it. Donny Jones: Wanna see it now. (he goes to pull down his pants) Earl: No, I'm still gonna pass on that.

Earl: Why are we stopping? Randy: I think we got a flat in the back. Catalina: Yeah, I heard it, too. Earl: Damn it! I just got those tires five years ago.

Earl: (voiceover) Joy knew that video is the only thing close to a will I have, and normally she's not violent, but money makes people crazy.

Joy: Next time you steal a camera Earl, make sure the thing works. Earl: I think I got it on. Joy: I love you Earl. Earl: I love that you love me.

Catalina: When someone is scared of something you need a friend to push them to overcome their fears. Randy: You know, like throwing someone in the ocean whose afraid of swimming or putting a snake in a young girl's bed.

Earl: I'm not doing Donny Jones. Catalina: Why not? Earl: I just don't want to okay. Besides, I don't even know where he lives. Randy: They have big yellow books where you can find that stuff out Earl.

Earl: I was gonna focus on quitting smoking. But it turns out quitting smoking is stressful. And when I'm stressed-out, I smoke.

Earl: Donny Jones! Hey buddy we should uh catch up sometimes. You know, when I don't have to ... [Randy drives away leaving Earl behind] ... or now Earl: [voiceover] Have you ever heard the expression crazy eyes, well Donny had them Donny Jones: Earl Hicky Earl: Donny Jones Donny Jones: You look good Earl: You look good, look real good. What are those new pants? Donny Jones: Nah I had them for a while Earl: But still look new nice crease, I should get me a pair of those. Hard to find good pants Ha-ha Donny Jones: So your brother and that little Mexican lady told me that you wanna talk to me about some sort of list Earl: Did they now? All right good yeah, they can be very helpful. All right here is the deal Donny. I am on uh kind of uh mission. Wow these are long, and sharp huh Donny Jones: Their my mom's, She likes to knit Earl: Good for you sweet heart, Nice to have a hobby. Any way uh Donny, I've recently discovered karma, and I've written a list of all the bad things I've done in my life and I am trying to make up for them Donny Jones: I've got now what you're going with that earl. Earl: You do? Donny Jones: Yeah! you had awakening same thing happening to me in the joint when I found Jesus Earl: Wow Donny Jones: nice huh? I also got Moses partin' the Red Sea on my bottom, you wanna see that? Earl: No no may maybe later

Joy: (puts a gun on the counter)I'll take this. Gun Store Owner: There's a three day waiting period for guns. Joy: Three, my ass. Fine. What can I walk out with today that can kill somebody? Gun Store Owner: Anything in aisle four.

Earl: [voiceover] Quittin' smokin' is kinda like going to prison. If you can get through the first three days, you got a fighting chance. First we tried the tapes, then we tried the patches. Someone told us to try carrot sticks as a subsitute, but we couldn't get the damn things to light.

(Talking about the poisoned cookies) Earl: Those are poisoned. Randy: How poisoned?