Earl J. Hickey
Introduced and crossed off in this episode
#183: Never took Joy's side.
"If You Wanna Get To Heaven" by The Ozark Mountain Daredevils
"Take The Money And Run" by Steve Miller
"Midnight Rider" by Gregg Allman
"Hush" by Deep Purple
Earl: Randy, how'd you find us?
Randy: Well, I went to the woods and you weren't there but I got the note you left.
Earl: I didn't leave a note.
Randy: I know Earl, I was being sarcastic. You should have left me a note. You don't have to add it to your list or anything but it would have been nice.
Tatiana: Something is suspicious, you are police I know it.
Joy: Oh calm down I've just got to pick up the truck keys. So jumpy all of a sudden!
Tatiana: I just don't like surprises.
Joy: Hey, bring me something!
Joy: I don't know. Something fun. Surprise me. But with chocolate and peanuts.
Joy: Damn it, Earl, I said surprise me!
Joy: Do I look stupid enough to steal a truck with a man in the back of it?
Earl's narration: Turns out Joy was that stupid.
Randy: (Talking about the grafitti) It's perfect, Earl.
Earl: Yeah, it really is. I just don't know if it's a good idea to paint your name in six foot letters on the side of a stolen truck.
Randy: I'm gonna go into town and get some more white paint to cover it up.
Earl: Good idea
Randy: If the cops come while I'm gone, tip it on it's side.
Joy: What the hell are you doing?
Darnell: Throwing your surprise birthday party.
Joy: My birthday is not until next month.
Darnell: That's the surprise party!
Joy: You idiot!
Darnell: It was Earl's idea.
Earl's narration: Joy and Darnell had recently learned a few tips on how to fight by watching "Dr. Phil" on TV.
Joy: You are making me feel very angry, because my needs aren't being met.
Darnell: And you are making me feel angry, because your needs don't make sense.
Earl's narration: Unfortunately, one episode of "Dr. Phil" couldn't undo years of watching "Springer".
Earl: Randy, do you think it's my fault Joy went to jail? Randy?
Randy: I'm trying to sleep, Earl, can't this wait 'til morning?
Earl: You woke me up last night to ask me if I thought monkeys ever worry about their looks.
Randy: Oh yeah, sorry...you think they do?
Earl: I already told you. If they were worried about their looks, they'd wear pants.
Joy: What do you hate more, flies or mosquitoes?
Joy: Just making conversation. Damn! Never mind.
Joy: Me too. You know, they say, mosquitoes in Africa could kill people. Imagine the size those things gotta be?
Earl: Pretty big.
(Joy talking about Randy)
Joy: At least he's thinkin', it's not his fault he's bad at it.
Earl: We gotta get him to a hospital.
Joy: We'll get caught!
Earl: No we won't. We'll just drop him off and drive away like people do with babies and grandparents.
Jasper: It's too risky.
Joy: Too risky? You sold a damn Iranian baby!
Jasper: Yeah, but it didn't have "Iranian baby" painted on the side of it in big letters.
Joy: Oh like they're not gonna know it's Iranian once it's old enough to talk.
Earl: You stole a truck?
Joy: Because they wouldn't give me my money back. It was a crime of principal, like when Rosa Parks stole that bus.
Jasper: Same reason I don't let amateurs cut my hair, they make mistakes!
Tatiana: It was not mistake.
Jasper: Yeah well you better pray I find that ear lobe.
Tatiana: He won't mind. Jasper is too much sissie to be a real criminal, this is why we live in cement closet. Bring me to this truck and I will buy with my own money I steal from Jasper.
Joy: I like you. If I could ever get used to staring at that thing on your face we could hang out.
(Joy and Darnell are watching tv outside)
Joy: So much glare out here, I can't tell if that's the white lady judge or the black lady judge.
(Joy and Darnell try to fit the tv into trailer)
Joy: Damnit! How did Britney and Kevin do it?
(Joy and Darnell are watching TV)
Joy: (to Darnell) Oh snap! Look at that big ass TV disappear into that entertainment center. I want a disappearing TV.
(Pool girl knocks Joy with the pool stick)
Joy: Okay! Do it again and I'm going to pop those booby implants of yours and let you fly across this bar like a loose balloon.
Earl: It was an accident Joy (looks at the girl's breasts) and I think they're real.
Joy: (looking annoyed) Oh! So now you're on her side?
Joy: Don't be a dummy damnit! Just do what I tell you to, throw me a surprise party for my birthday next month.
Darnell: But, you won't be surprised.
Joy: I can act surprised, look....(makes a surprise face)
The Czech episode title is "Něco moc špatného", meaning "Something Very Bad".
Original International Air Dates:
Czech Republic: October 19, 2009 on Prima COOL
Joy: (about the stuffed jacket, made it look like an actual person) Son of a bitch Ferris Buellered me.
Ferris Bueller did the same thing in the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
Joy: (About Earl's British accent) You sound like a gay Kermit the Frog.
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