Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: (as Bobby approaches Sticks) I'd like a drug, please?

Tom: (as Trish runs up the hill) Cheryl Ladd is woefully miscast in The Wilma Rudolph Story.

Tom: (as Sticks calls Farrell) Willie Aames in The Vince Van Patten Story.

Crow: It's the 'T & A Team'!

Tom: (as the van approaches the camp) Hockey moms to the rescue!

Mike: I have a feeling Johnny Wadd is going to be in this.

Crow: (after Michelle's song) We've never seen such great disco!

Mike: I buffed my love once, I never shined it.

Mike: In the 70's you could take an abstract concept like shining your love and just go with it.

Mike: The mean streets of Ojai.

April: I'm a school teacher. Mike: I carry a badge.

Crow: This movie is a shrine for seventh-grade boys!

Mike: (describing Michelle) It's Miles O'Keefe with breasts!

Crow: You know what? I'm just giving in, and looking at the breasts.

Mike: Kelly LeBrock's Heroes.

Tom: (as the girls think Michelle gets killed) When bad things happen to hot people.

Tom: It's gorgeous out there... a little too gorgeous.

Tom: Arthur Godfrey, will you shine your love?

Tom: (as all the girls agree) It's anonymous!

Crow: (as one of the girls climbs a ladder) Hey, you're giving away the plot!

Tom: (describing the men at the compound) These survivalists couldn't survive a grape embargo.

Crow: This was Jim Backus' first film after he died.

April: Women can make a difference. Crow: Ah, the director wrote that so he could get laid.

Crow: Fame equals trustworthy.

Crow: I'll bet the phrase 'Where's my cocaine?' was heard a lot on this film.

(as Kako uses the sword on Sticks) Mike: It's a wanton, unauthorized bris! Tom: They're revoking his member-ship!

Sticks: Hey, where did you get this machine? Crow: Hey, Cheech, man!

Tom: Mrs. Paul and Long John Silver in a battle to the death.

Crow: (as boats appear offshore) It's the Mariel Hemingway boatlift.

Tom: (as two of the girls lick one man's ears) This is your brain on sex. Any questions?

Crow: What kind of lure do you use to catch cocaine? A spoon?

Mike: (describing the fight scene) This is more Jackie O than Jackie Chan.

Dr. Forrester: Jack Palance, who in lieu of pay, actually worked for scotch.

Crow: I still like this better than City Slickers 2.

Mike: They're attacking a Klingon language camp!

Mike: (as April floats in the pool) It's a wet teacher contest.

Tom: (as Burke falls in the pool) You want to skim the Peter Lawford off your pool.