Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: (over a shot of the Capitol in Washington) And, guests of The Beginning of the End stay at the beautiful Capitol Dome! Crow: (over a shot of another building) Inferior guests stay at the Defense Department Annex.

Ed: You can't drop an atom bomb on Chicago! Mike: Sure, you can!

(the large grasshopper attacks Frank) Crow: Luckily, the grasshopper's closed-captioning. Tom: Frank, would you stop messing around with that giant grasshopper?! Mike: He's signing 'Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!'

Ed: Ah yes, I remember now that every time I read one of your stories it was dateline from some area of flood, or famine, or war. It made me realize what a sheltered life we scientists really lead. Mike: Whaddaya think of that? Huh? Audrey: Sheltered? Look at what happened to Frank. Tom: Yeah, watch this...Hey, Fraaaank!!!

Audrey: Captain, there are some things you never get used to. Tom: Like underarm odor!

TV's Frank: I'm declaring this National Our Day.

Mike: (as the couple kiss in the car): And, you know, it'd be sexy until you think it might be my parents! Oh, my God!

(Crow gets sick watching the credits) Mike: Honey, you think you can keep down some 7-UP and soda crackers? Crow: (weakly) Um, no. Mike: Some lukewarm pork? (Crow gets sick again) I'm sorry. I'm sorry!

Mike: (seeing the movie's title) Beginning of the end? Already? It just started!

Audrey: It's 70 degrees, Ed. Crow: Cooler near the lake.

(Ed tries different frequencies to call the locusts) Audrey: We don't have ten hours. Mike: We have theater tickets!

(locusts have just attacked the National Guard) Announcer: We interrupt this program for an important announcement... Mike: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!

Crow: (regarding a report of another locust attack) Hey, I'm vindicated! How many dead?

Gen. Hanson: (regarding plans to stop the locusts) A call for insects? Crow: Call for insects! Call for insects!

Mike: (as a helicopter lands) Let's all welcome Bob Hope, ladies and gentlemen!

Crow: (seeing something resembling a beer) There's your answer, a fine pilsner!

(doing a cadence call for the soldiers) Crow: We're not afraid of big old bugs. Crow and Tom: Army guys like gentle hugs.