Mystery Science Theater 3000

Charlie: I just got a flash. Tom: A hot flash. He's going through menopause!

(as Bob's police boat appears) Joel: Water Fuzz. They're wet. They care. Tonight's episode, 'Death Ahoy!' Tom: 'Yo, Ho, Ho and a Bottle of Death'! Crow: 'Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Dead Man.' Joel: 'Michael, Row Your Murder Ashore.' Tom: Hallelujah.

Tom: (describing Tina's swimsuit) We need a new shower curtain!

Arthur: Tad's been cooped up aboard ship since we arrived. Crow: Tied to a mast.

(Tina is about to drive her boat into the Duval's boat) Tad: (coming on deck) Turn to! Turn to, you idiot! Tom: Turn to what? Crow: The Comedy Channel! Tom: (laughing) Little promo there, gang.

(Bob introduces himself to Don) Don: Don Pringle. Crow: Heir to the potato chip fortune.

Tom: What do you suppose frogmen's legs taste like? Joel: Um, like San Diego Chicken legs, probably?

(after Joel's invention) Frank: That is so neat! We could base a whole party around that. We could get in our fuzzy feetie pajamas and jump up and down on the bed! Dr. Forrester: Look, the only party we're going to is the one where we dance on your grave! Frank: Oh, will I be invited? Dr. Forrester: You'll be the guest of honor!

Arthur: Will you take these silly things off my wrists?
Crow: I'm the silly thing.

Tom: (as the kids walk the streets) Mayberry After Hours.

Crow: It's just one big, sunny, fun-filled Bataan Death March.

Joel (seeing the kids dance): Wow, they're dancing for apartheid.

Crow (seeing the kids on the beach): The youth of today, spent like so many shell casings on the battlefield of love.

Arthur: Larry, will you please settle down? Crow: Get married, have some kids and take that ridiculous hat off!

Don: I didn't mean to embarrass you. Tom: Isn't this movie enough?

Crow: This film was funded by the Utah Film Board.

(during the Cascades' song) Crow: Bee Gees go bad... der. Joel: (over a shot of the drummer) Hey look , I'm 60...I'm still rockin'. Tom: Tune in, turn on, throw up. Crow: Now I know why drugs were so big in the '60's....you need 'em. Tom: (singing along) There's a concept, it's called harmony...

Charlie: This is the place! Joel, Crow and Tom: Hell!

Crow (as girls approach Charlie): Hey, I just became a Mormon!

Crow: Little Richard, the only genuine talent in this film.

Tom (describing a dancer): Cousin Itt with a bob.

Joel: (during Little Richard's song) Hey, get the funk out of my face.

Crow: You know how to whistle, don't you? Just put your lips together and... cut to the boat.

Crow: Meanwhile, in the dark impenetrable void, Jean-Paul Sartre was a-movin' and a-groovin'. Tom: No exit, baby.

Tom: Robert Donner. I went to his party.

(as kids dance around a fire) Tom: Boy, these Klan meetings have really lightened up! Look at that! Crow: This is the kind of padding I like to see in a film.

(Charlie, Don and Bob check out the girls getting on the boat) Charlie: Have you seen the new crop? Crow: Man, my corn is as high as an elephant's eye!