Mystery Science Theater 3000

(over a shot of the main building on Ophesious) Crow: Super City! You build it! Joel: By Marx. Tom: By Hasbro.

(as the baby cries) Bavaro: What is the matter with our son? Tom: He's not your son, Fred!

Phil: Life without you has no meaning, Cynthia, it has no point at all. Joel: Yeah, your patients are gonna be happy about that.

Cleolanta: Bavaro... Joel: Bite me!

Bavaro: It isn't the land... Tom: It's the cheese.

(as the moons are about to crash) Prof. Newton: This is the most exciting moment of my life! Crow: That I believe!

Joel: You know, their luggage will probably end up on Jupiter. Thank you!

Trinka: You will each receive a slip of paper. Joel: A voucher for your planet.

Crow (as the men fight): Wouldn't it be more productive if they did this to Winky?

Crow (as Cleolanta is pulled off the ladder): Hey, it's me, your queen! Joel: Gentlemen, wrestle with the queen, only $2.

Tom (as men come out of a door): Your USC Trojans!

Crow (describing Rocky): What he lacks in expressions, he makes up for with hat tips.

Lazbot: A spaceship. Tom: Oh, no duh!

Cleolanta: It's a plot, a trick! Crow: (singing) A female trick!

Rocky: What's your reading? Crow: The Beauty Myth.

Rocky: Report result, please. Crow: It went boom.

Bobby (to the baby): If you could only talk. Crow: (as the baby) If you could only act!

Rocky: This may come as a surprise, Mr. Secretary... Crow: But I'm a woman.

Crow: They put the baby in the out basket!

Rocky: On the double, Winky. Joel: Double Winky, coming up.

Cleolanta: Atlasan? Joel: Yes, Pound Sign?

Tom: Stand by for more inaction.

Crow (as Rocky and Winky climb something, sings): Climb every cheap set till you find a plot!

Winky: Hey, Rocky, have you ever had a funny feeling you're about to get slugged? Joel: Here, let me complete the thought. Boom!

Cleolanta: Atlasan, prepare to fire. Joel: You're fired...oh.

Atlasan: (to Trinka) You know, I'm ambitious, and I love Ophesious. Crow: And I'm not superstitious, and you look delicious!

Joel (describing one of the moons): Looks like the Land of Dairy Queen gone wrong.

Tom (seeing the moons): Hey, look, cola nuts.

Prof. Newton: Now, Vina and I have started... Tom: A family.

Crow (as something drops from the ceiling, imitating Groucho Marx): Oh! Say the secret word and Bill Cosby rips your show off.

Tom: Get ready for no action!

Crow: (seeing both moons) Plop, plop, fizz, fizz, oh, what a bad film it is!

Rocky: Has Prof. Newton re-checked his figures? Crow: Have you checked his credentials?

Tom: (seeing a closeup of Andrews) Whoa, got enough Maybelline on there, skipper?

Rocky: Head for Space Station OW-9. Crow: I've gotta go potty.

Prof. Newton: Goodness, gracious. Crow: Great balls of fire!

Cleolanta: 59 minutes. Tom: A CBS News magazine.

Tom (seeing the title): Crash of the Moons, two frat boys in a butt-on collision.

Crow: (describing Phil) How can you not love a skull like this?

Cynthia: Do you love Jessie? Joel: I asked you first. No tagbacks!

Phil: I don't have to ask you, I can tell you. Crow: I'm damn unappealing!

Phil: Stay a minute. Crow: I gave you cake, you owe me.

(over a scene of Phil and Jessie) Crow (whispers): Give in to the dark side. Tom: Hmm, dark side, huh?

Cynthia: You can't hurt Jessie, neither of us can. Phil: I don't want to. Crow: But I have to. This is a soap opera, after all. If I don't, we're out of work!