Mystery Science Theater 3000

Bob: Do you think it will record? Peter: Let's hope so. Tom: Although we are having tentacle difficulties.

Mike: (over the devil fish's image on the sonar) I think it's that thing that comes out of the Wizard of Id's cauldron.

(describing the second victim) Tom: Rob Reiner! Mike: I can't believe I directed North! Crow: (as he is hooked up to an IV) I think our Viking's all wired up.

Peter: I've never heard anything like it. It was almost like a voice. Stella: A voice? Crow: Did I say voice? I meant door knob!

(as Stella rides to Peter's shop) Stella: Hi, Peter! Mike: Hi, Stick!

Tom: (as Bob goes to the cooler) Well, what do you guys want? I got beer, beer, and... oh, hey, look, there's a beer.

Tom: (after the (censored) showing of Peter) I hung one out for fun.

Crow: (over a murky underwater scene) So far I like these scenes the best.

Crow: Eh, kiss my ink sac.

Stella: (to Peter) I like the color of your eyes. Tom: The rest of you is hideous, bye!

Mike: (as a police car approaches ramshackle houses) Welcome to downtown Shackville.

Tom: You know, you shoot scuba diving in slow motion, you can actually go back in time.

Stella: (calling her dolphins) Minnie! Donald! Mike: Clarence! Paul! Rafe! Luigi!

Tom: (as Sandra kisses Peter) Ah, the heavily sexed world of appliance repair.

Tom: (as Peter goes out to his truck) Of course I am American and not Italian. I drive a truck.

Crow: (as Sandra first appears) Is that Fab or Rob?

Tom: (as a dolphin) Yeah, yeah, banter, banter, banter, fish!

Tom: (singing, seeing the Seaquarium boat) This is the dawning of the age of Seaquarium...

Crow: (over an underwater shot) 2000 Flushes, The Movie.

Crow: (describing Stella) I didn't know humans could survive without flesh.

Tom: Just because you can edit doesn't mean you should.

Mike: The director's vision: lots of shots of things.

(as the devil fish grabs Bob) Tom: That's so big it's an eleven-tacle. Mike: Oh, that's your second one.

(as the motorboat stalls) Peter: Felt like something's caught in the prop. Crow: That's a prop? I thought it was a real motor.

Mike): (as Bob picks up the phone) Okay, what is it now? 10, 10, 10, 10, 321 10...?

Mike: (as lots of electrical equipment appears) Behind the scenes at MTV Unplugged.

Bob: (describing West) He'd sit on his mother's head if he had something to gain by it. Crow: Odd image, Bob.

Bob: Bearing down at 235 degrees. Crow: That's six degrees off the port beer... I mean bow!

Crow: You know, after this beer, we should have a beer sometime.

Crow: (as the boat is in the middle of the ocean) The 16th is a water hole, surrounded by water on all sides.

(during Peter and Stella's love scene) Mike: (as Stella gets out of the boat) Blake Edwards' .10. Crow: (as Peter gets out of the boat) Now its 10 as rewritten by Terrence McNally.

Crow: (as Peter flirts with Stella) Yuck! He's trying to be sexy!

Mike: (as Peter prepares to shoot the devil fish) It's like shooting fish... not in a barrel.

Mike: (as the ocean appears on the screen) It's The Blue Show, starring Blue. Hi, Blue here, my first guest is Teal.

Crow: Underwater fights are like the drum solos of movies.

Peter: Janet! Tom: Oh, sorry, I forgot, I'm nasty. Miss Jackson!

Tom: Mike, how come you don't have huge rubber pants? Mike: Who says I don't?

Tom: (as the cops search for the devil fish) This is how I like to fish, Mike, a flashlight and a flamethrower.

Mike, Crow and Tom: (at various times) As seen on TV.

Tom: (describing Stella) Farrah Fawcett-Minor.

Crow: (after the devil fish is burned) The sheriff's official report simply read, 'Ick!'

Tom: (as the doctor fails to revive the second victim) Oh, I see now; I had it set on 'kill patient'.

Mike: Our special tonight is Devil Fish, with Satanic String Beans, and Deep Lucifered Potatoes!

Tom: Wouldn't it be great if we were devilfishing and we had beer? Really watery American beer?

Tom: So, Mike, turtles excrete wax and you humans put it in cans and just rub it all over your cars? (sarcastically) Good, that's good. You just keep doing that. Mike: That's not exactly how it goes.

Mike: So, the Coast Guard's off filming this, and drug runners are cruising right through.