Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: Is something wrong, Mr. Miller? Crow: Sit down, pieface, it's a long list.

(a pair of lizards is seen, one on the other's back) Crow: What're they doing? Joel: They're telling secrets, honey. Crow: Ohhhhh... (the one on the bottom scampers away) Servo: Oh, Ted, someone's watching! Crow: (as the remaining lizard turns to the camera) What?! Can I help you?!

Crow: This movie isn't healthy for children and other living things.

Servo: (as Tom and Roxy drive in the desert) Hey, you know, if this is a Mountain Dew ad, uh, wouldn't they be, uh, water skiing on roller skates being pulled by horses off of cliffs?

(Roxy sees her father in the cave) Roxy: (seeing her father's sling) Are you hurt? Servo: No, I wear this sling for effect, you doorknob!

(describing Hell) Servo: I know I stand alone on this, but the day Blansky's Beauties got canceled. Crow: Yeah, you stand alone on that.

(as the helicopter lands in the canyon) Crow: Oh, for a shoulder-mounted anti-aircraft gun. Joel: Oh, you mean a Stinger. Crow: Whatever.

(describing Miller's desert outfit) Crow: It's Laurence of Pasadena. Joel: Oh man, look, he's wearing corrective shoes with black socks. Servo: He's wearing corrective everything.

Servo: (describing Eegah) Jim Morrison, the Paris years.

(describing Roxy's car) Servo: It's the flying sub! Crow: I think it's a bug-eyed sprite. Servo: Oohh. Crow: And so is she!

Crow: (as Eegah sees the helicopter) Uhhh. Better tell others...oh, wait, there are no others.

Joel, Crow and Servo: (about the second musical number) Eegah! Eegah! Bonk, bonk on head!

Eegah: (without moving his lips) Eegah! Eegah! Crow: Did you say something, Dad?

(bass background music as Tom, Roxy and Miller are in the desert) Tom: He was standing right here. Crow: Playing bass.

Crow: (describing Eegah's etchings) He's been there for hundreds of years and he's only made 3 drawings?