Mystery Science Theater 3000

Tom: Maybe Mary Poppins flies in and kicks his ass. Mike: That I'd pay to see.

(as the adult creature comes into London) Mike: Now, is this the mom or the dad? Tom: I don't know. How do you sex one of these things? Crow: Well, you put the lights down low, you put on some Barry White... Tom: That's not what I mean! That's ridiculous!

Announcer: The creature has been given massive doses of tranquilizer. Much closer to this thing, and I could do with a bit of tranquilizer myself. (Tom chuckles) Actually, it's no joke. Crow: I need drugs!

Annnouncer: This animal is real. Take my word for it. Mike: I'm Dennis Thatcher.

Tom: (as Joe looks through the sub's porthole) What your laundry sees.

Gypsy: We'll be back after this message from whiskey and cigarettes.

McCartin: You leave, tonight. Joe: The sooner, the better. Tom: The tighter the sweater! The boys depend on us!

(a couple jumps out a window) Crow: (as the woman) I won't marry you! Mike: (as the man) Yes, you will!

(as a man yells 'Repent!' in a mob) Tom: Mike, can one repent if one hasn't yet pented? Mike: I'll get back to you.

Admiral: Capsized. Crow: I've got to have my cap sized.

Tom: (as the adult Gorgo crashes through the island) The road company of 'Stomp'.

(drawings of an adult and child creature are seen) Professor: The infant. Crow: The outfant.

Crow: Look, we all know where this is heading. Can we just start tossing Brits around?

Mike: (as Sam pulls up in front of Dorkin and a crowd) Hooray for Dorkin!

Mike: Come see Gorgo, he'll kill your family! Come get killed by Gorgo!

Crow: (as Gorgo attacks in the park) Embarass him! Ask him about the size of his brain.

(describing Gorgo) Tom: He looks like a chocolate bunny. Mike: Looks like Crow.

Mike: (as Gorgo begins to attack in the park) This is like England's 178th finest hour.

(as Gorgo is hauled to the surface) Crewman: Heavy on the winch! Mike: Light on the starch! Crow: Easy on the mayonnaise!

Crow: (as Joe is in the mini-sub) If they don't let me up to go soon, this will be a yellow submarine.

Mike: (seeing the mini-sub) Bought it from the government, it's called Fat Man or something.

(decribing Sean) Mike: He looks like a chimp that's dressed up. Crow: Dave Foley.

Mike: The poor Irish, you know? If they're not invaded by Cromwell or infested with leprechauns, they've got this guy!

Sam: This is crazy. Tom: Us marrying.

Mike: (as the men row) Oh, we're a terrible crew team.

Crow: All this hard water... Ireland needs the Culligan man.

Tom: (as one of the men looks out the front of a small boat) Joe Strummer goes fishing.

Sam: Well, what do you know? Mike, Tom & Crow: Not much, you?

Tom: (as the ship tips over) The H.M.S. Over-easy.

Tom: (as Joe comes up for air) This new cool ranch flavored scuba air isn't very good.

Mike: Name your kid Muir Mathieson, he's pretty much destined to conduct the Sinfonia of London.

Mike: (as the movie's title appears) The vice-president's unimaginative campaign slogan.

Crow: I never realized that weasels could be such... weasels.