Mystery Science Theater 3000

(Hercules and the others separate) Hercules: Until later! Joel: Yeah, don't look at our butts! Crow: Okay! Tom: Oh, boy! (chuckling) You know, the bigger they are, the nicer they are. Crow: Their butts? Tom: No, no, no! Crow: Oh.

Crow: (over a shot of the sun peeking out from clouds) There will be patches of scattered god today...

Iphitus: Prove to me your head isn't just a mass of muscle up there! Joel: Well, wait a minute now, my head is a mass of muscle.

Iole: Poison! Father! Crow: That was mine!

Crow: (as Herc uses his chains) This is a weird chain of events.

Joel: I'm Herc, and I'm irked.

Tom: (as Hercules recovers from his fall) Duh, Herc head hurt. Where Herc? Who Herc?

Jason: Where is Hercules? Crow: Where isn't Hercules?

Joel: Oh, wait a minute. I thought they said Golden Grahams, not golden ram!

Crow: (seeing the dinosaur) I thought those things were extinct. Tom: It's the future site of Jurassic Industrial Park.

Tom: (as the men walk on the second island) It's Swiss Family Papadopulous.

Crow: (describing Antea) Maria Callas.

Joel: Oh, knock it off, Jerkules.

Hercules: Go on, man the oars! Crow: Or, oar the mans!

Tom: (hearing the Amazons singing) It's their civil defense sirens.

Crow: (describing the dance) They're having a collective episode.

Tom: (as the Amazons lead the men back to their camp) It's the Bataan Sex March!

Joel: (over a shot of the sea) Well, no plot on the horizon.

Joel: (as the men sing and row) Looks like it's a big, brawny, hairy, glistening, two-fisted, manly day!

Hercules: I'm only searching for the truth. Tom: You can't handle the truth!

Orpheus: I feel the gods favor us piercing the mysterious Colcodees. Joel, Crow and Tom: Ewwwwww!

Pelius: No one requested you to go after the lion. Joel: He did it on spec.

Ulysses: Plan your revenge now. Crow: Avoid the rush.

Pelias: Hercules will train Iphitus to reign here with success! Tom: Right here on ESPN!

Joel: Herc is a '90's woman!

Pelias: The lion is vanquished. Crow: The lion takes Vanquish?

Tom: (describing Iphitus) Judd Hirsch.

Pelias: Hercules the Theban. Joel: Hey, I'm no feeb.

Sybil: As the worm eats the fruit that matures... Joel, Crow and Tom: Ewwwww!!!!

Iole: Do you think that people lie? Tom: No, never. Yes, always.

Pelias: Good, Hercules. Crow: Sit, Hercules.

Crow: Pretty please, with Herc on top?

Tom: (describing Hercules) Eddie Rabbit!

Crow: (seeing a herd of goats) I hope they aren't Herc's mortal weakness.

(after the credits mention mortal weakness) Tom: My mortal weakness is cheesecake!

Tom: (seeing constellations) Stephen Hawking presents the silly string theory.

Crow: Wait, this is ancient Greece. They didn't have ruins yet.