Mystery Science Theater 3000

Joe: (to Bob) For a guy like you, the worst woman in the world is too good. Tom: But I like Tonya Harding.

(Gary and Georgia read Prof. Green's journal) Georgia: I wonder where that peculiar hissing came from that he always heard. Tom: The audience! Hissss!

(describing Gladys and Doreen) Mike: It's a dancer and her seeing-eye dancer. Tom: The Indigo Girls of dancing.

(Linda comes in the office and promptly removes her dress) Gary: You're a stripper? Mike: And a refinisher, yes.

Tom: (descrbing Mike Blackwood) Dr. Strangelove!

Pearl: (as she starts to tell Bobo about the facts of life) Now, Bobo, when a flower loves a bee very, very much...

(as the movie ends abruptly) Tom: So, you wanna end your movie that way, huh? Okay, get bent, we're outta here! Crow: Shrimp personal watercraft...

Tom: (doing a Forrest Gump imitation as a boat appears) Shrimp kabobs, shrimp gumbo, shrimp ice cream, shrimp-skin coats, shrimp hubcaps, shrimp contact lenses, shrimp-based religion...

Tom: (as someone whispers) They will not come if I build it, shut up!

Tom: (as Bob) Defending my misogyny really takes commitment.

Crow: (describing Bob) He's the kind of guy that they warn neighborhoods about these days.

Tom: (as a man and woman kiss) Settling: The Movie.

Crow: (as Babs) I'm Curv E. Voluptuous.

Crow: Women or booze.... hey, women and booze!

Mike: (describing the girls fighting) Man, they're future governors of Minnesota.

Mike: With my luck, I'd crash with ZZ Top.

Crow: (as the women call out for Gary) I'm Gary! Look for me!

Tom: So this is a sexy, spider-filled version of The Tempest.

Crow: (as the girls walk, murmur and coo) Hot, muddy, foreign chick action!

(Gary finds water and calls the girls) Gary: Come on! Come on! Mike, Tom, and Crow: Come on!!!!

Gary: There you are, Georgia. Tom: Just north of Florida.

Mike B.: (to Gary) When do things get underway? Tom: I'm having my body re-blocked tomorrow.

Mike: (as a dancer twirls about and shows her stocking tops) Brought to you by the National Garter Council.

Linda: (to Gary) Shall I... dance for you? Crow: Yes! For God's sake, yes!

Gary: (to Linda) Are you always so picayunish? Mike: No, I'm Lithuanian.

Linda: Hello there. Crow: It's Marty Allen.

Crow: (as a dancer auditions) None of that modern stuff, just shake your dinners.

Mike: (as Babs enters) Babs played fullback for the Lions.

Mike: (as Gary enters) I'm Bob Boxbody.

Crow: (as the girls are first seen) It's a dames and broads audition.

Tom: (sees a name in the opening credits) Temple Foster, where they worship Australian beer.

Crow: (as the freeway is seen) Spider Island: Home to the stars!

Mike: You know, guys who play the muted trumpet love these movies, it's the only time they get work.

Mike: (as Linda walks out of Gary's office in just her underwear) Ah, it's a nice day, I'm gonna go home like this.

Mike: (as people are laughing and dancing) This is how I view the world. Everyone else is out doing this while I sit in my underwear eating a toasted cheese sandwich and drinking an ice beer.

Crow: (as Bob walks over to Babs and the sax music starts up) So should we get our filthy raincoats to watch this?

Tom: (as everyone dances) Why can't this be on every channel, like the State of The Union address?

Mike: (as the men and women dance) The Horrors of Spider Island!

Crow: (as Linda walks about the camp) Okay, honey, you're alone, you can ease up on the sex now!