Mystery Science Theater 3000

Crow: (as Tony approaches a phone booth) Time to turn into Super Werewolf!

Chief Baker: Donovan, will you take a man and beat up this ravine? Crow: But, sir, the ravine didn't do anything.

(describing Arlene's father) Mike: Dad played by H. L. Mencken. Crow: Jabba the Husband.

(during the movie's opening credits) Tom: Werewolf has a lot of friends. He gets along well with his were-peers. Mike: Do his were-mom and were-dad know his were-abouts?

Mike: (as an awkward kid is forced to dance) The blood of my victims cleanses the earth!

Mike: (as the movie ends) Remember, only get injections and past life regressions from licensed mad psychiatrists.

(as men gather to find the werewolf) Tom: Ed, this is Jed, Ned, Cledus, Scooter, Cooter, Jim Bob, Joe Bob, Clem, Clay and Bocephus.

Mike: This all could have been prevented with a few firm leash laws!

Tom: Toma, Barretta, Petrocelli, Pepper, this time you've all gone too far.

Crow: (describing Pepi) Human being or catcher's mitt? You decide.

(Frank hears noises in the woods) Frank: Who's there? Mike: Judge Crater. Crow: D. B. Cooper. Tom: Madalyn Murray O'Hair.

Frank: I'll take that shortcut through the woods. Tom: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding! Victim!

Dr. Brandon: In science, one must be sure. Mike: Even movie science.

(as Tony beats up Vic) Tom: The exact moment Michael Landon became beloved by America. Crow: Eeney, meeney, miney, whoa! Mike: And Hoss signs the committment papers.

(as Vic hops on the stage) Crow: Oh, God. Pant alert! Mike: Elvis J. Pollard.

Crow: Mike, I'm going to ask you to kill me now. Mike, please kill me.

Crow: John Carradine has major booty compared to Michael Landon.

Tony: No head-shrinker for me, thank you! Mike: A hair-shrinker, maybe.

Mike: (as Tony throws dirt at Jimmy) Wow, he fights dirty.

Mike: (describing Arlene) Edgar Winter's little sister.

Crow: Help! I'm being attacked by a Berenstein Bear!

Tom: I vary to know the difference betwixt shine-ola and... that other stuff.