Mystery Science Theater 3000

(Rocky captures Ken) Rocky: All right, I've got a nice place for you. Joel: It's a Days Inn. It's not elaborate but it's clean.

Rocky: There are four or five planetoids far enough off of regular space lanes... Tom: Ooh, I had planetoids once, had to sit on of those donut things.

Rocky: Winky, what's our position? Crow: Leaning towards Perot?

Rocky: Paul, one more detail... Crow: Bite me!

Crow: (as Ken welcomes the pirates to Casa 7) Here, let me show you around. We'll take over, then we'll have a beer.

Crow: (as Ken carries Rocky on the platform) Oh, he's gonna do the Letterman thing.

Tom: (as Winky ends his song) That's nice, thank you. Stinky, is it? Oh, yeah, we'll call you.

Crow: (as Winky sings) Winky needs professional help.

Rocky : I think you'll eventually find your traitor, Paul. Joel: Have you looked in the garage?

Hagar Nu: Ken is an evil man. Crow: Ken is sick. Just ask Barbie.

Crow: (at the end of Winky's song) And that's the Starfield Rag!

Ken: What is your estimated time of arrival? Crow: Oh, two, two-thirty-ish.

Dr. Vanko: Why waste words? Tom: They won't ever be heard.

Cleolanta: Concentrate on these orders... Tom: Bite me!

Crow (as Ken opens a door): Hey, I'm in here! Ocupado!

Rocky: Message to Paul Ray... Joel: Bite me!

Rocky: Rinkman's boss is probably on that ship. I'd sure like to have a look inside. Crow: Inside the boss? That's disgusting!

Rinkman: (to Rocky) Suppose we make a deal. Tom: I'll give you $50 if you have a hard-boiled egg in your purse.

Winky: The rockets will be roaring. Crow: And the spaceship will be ready too.

Winky: I feel like a lunkhead just sitting here. Crow: Hold that thought, Winky.

Cleolanta: Atlasan? Crow: Yes, Exclamation?

Rocky: You expecting someone, Rinkman? Tom: No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!

Crow: (describing Cleolanta) She's angry when she's beautiful.

Crow: (seeing Cleolanta) She's got a triple menorah on her head. Joel: Hannukah 3-D. Tom: (said quickly) Hannukah, Hannukah, Hannukah.

Winky: How do we get through the barrier? Tom: We ask nice!

Paul: That's the planetoid Prah! Winky: Known as "the lonely moon". Crow: You should know, Winky.

Vina: Are we getting anywhere, Rocky? Tom: You know I'm not ready for commitment.

Crow (as the Orbit Jet and the CM7 land): Looks like they bagged an albino five-point buck.

Rocky: Identify yourself. Crow: I am Kirok.

Winky: Object ahead. Joel: Could you be more vague, Winky?

Reggie: It's like a million-to-one shot that we'll ever be seen. Crow: Oh, they're on Comedy Central.

Vina (to Rinkman): At least you can't sink any lower. Joel: Well, I could date you.

Crow (as the ships come together): Wow, that was better than I thought!

Prof. Newton: Is there something you wish to ask me, Rocky? Tom: Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Tom (seeing Professor Newton): Vladimir Horowitz!

Higgins: Report from Casa 7, sir. Secretary Drake: Let's have it. Tom: It says "Heeeeellllp!!!!!"

Secretary Drake: We'll put your mind at ease. Joel: I've got something that'll put you through the floor, boys.

Secretary Drake: I'm glad I found you in, Rocky. Tom: But I'm not in Rocky.

Reggie: Rocket thrust to zero. Crow: Gee, that makes me bitter.

Tom (seeing a moon): Look, it's the MST3K logo. Joel: We're not supposed to know about that. (Tom whistles nonchalantly)

(as the movie title appears) Joel: I saw Howard Hunt in space. Tom: I saw Linda Hunt in space. Crow: I saw Huntz Hall in space.

(Dr. Hardy tells Martha about her hernia) Dr. Hardy: A hiatus hernia is a difficult thing to diagnose, in fact it's very difficult. Look at the trouble I had. Crow: And I'm brilliant!

Martha: There is something wrong with me? Joel: Yes, you've been hospitalized!

Crow (seeing Dr. Hardy): Geez, he was old even then!

Tom: Everyone admitted to this hospital commits suicide.

Crow: (as Jessie enters the room) Here comes Nurseferatu.

Crow: See what you can do to make this lobby spookier.