Mystery Science Theater 3000

(as Tee screams in slow motion) Crow: Yo! Tom: Packers!

Vultaire: So good of you to lead the way. Crow: Did you feel the sarcasm, 'cause that's how I meant it.

(seeing Thena's cleavage) Tom: There's a midget under her dress pushing up. Crow: Lucky midget! Midgets get everything!

(as Jaamteer's men stop Tee, Leo and Thena) Crow: Are we being attacked or entertained? Tom: (as Jaamteer approaches) If this was only a mask and not my face fungus. Jaamteer: You're on our land. Mike: Put on fruity half-masks and be welcome!

Leonardo: I'm great with maps. Mike: How great can you really be with maps? Crow: It's like being good at eating cereal.

Tee: Turn around. Leonardo: What? Tee: Turn around! Crow: Bright eyes.

Baydool: You must... find the storehouse. Tom: And liquidate everything!

Crow: This sounds like a movie that should have Matthew Broderick in it.

(after the explosion) Mike: So guys, should we be feeling anything at this point? Tom: You can go ahead and feel something, I'm not gonna.

(as Tee and Leonardo pry open the rock) Leonardo: Harder! Tom: More drawn out and boring!

Man: I'm coming!!!!! Mike: Put a sock in it, Legolas.

Mike: (describing Jaamteer's men) So the Ewoks grew up to be big, stupid men?

Tee: Follow my lead. Mike: Get hair extensions and talk like a girl.

Thena: They call me Thena. Crow: Fina? Like the gas station?

Tom: (as Tee, Leo and Thena ride off) Well, the movie lost me. It lost me and it's trotting off without me.

Tom: The Vikings in this movie don't vike very well.

Mike: (as Leonardo, talking to Tee) Hello? Hey, mead-for-brains.

Wamphool's Assistant: How's it coming, oh great one? Crow: Ever get back to Edmonton?

Crow: (describing Baydool's basement) It's his museum of odors.

Onscreen: Time passes... Crow: And Collinsworth grabs it, will you look at him go!

Baydool: I'm a member of the Order. Crow: He bats eighth.

Pearl: (seeing Voltaire's jacket) Never ask Bootsy Collins if you can borrow a coat.

Baydool: All you have to do is ask. Pearl: And, so help me, I'll put you down.

Baydool: My name is Baydool. Tom: Wait, that's my intestinal condition.

Crow: (singing, to the tune of 'Walking in Memphis') Touch down in the land of the Delta Knights...

Baydool: From the land comes life. Pearl: And fat free goodness!

Baydool: How is it you came to be sold as a slave? Crow: I accidentally put a sign on myself that read 'Slave for sale'.